he s manipulating, he s deceptive. and that s my brother. monday, when i saw it on the news, all i heard was that there was the home invasion and what not. and it seemed like something steve would do. but he never smashing of the police cars and the breaking and entering and stuff like that. but the killing, the raping and the burning? that could have been josh. i don t know who was the mastermind. well, obviously, neither one of them, because they got caught. and they did something well, being a mastermind doesn t mean you don t get caught. honestly, you know, it is. it s it is the equivalent of the perfect storm. dear caroline, good evening, sweetheart. when i wake every morning, the sun is just starting to rise. its light dances across your picture, radiating your beautiful eyes and pretty smile. it s the best part of the day.
our church community was our home school community and josh s family and mine as well had a very specific idea of good and evil. the devil was understood to be an entity that you could know. so if josh had anxiety, it was the devil. if he did something wrong, it was because he was being used as an agent of the devil. josh spoke some to me about the sexual abuse that had happened to him, but there wasn t even a way for him to tell me without weeping. josh had terrible anxiety attacks. his home was not ever safe for him. the safe place was being away
it was kind of like an excitement about going to burglarize this house. he drives down to cheshire, and he and josh go to a bar. and then they start looking for this house that josh knows about from when they were shopping at stop&shop earlier. it has always been my opinion that he was attracted by the young girl michaela rather than the money or the mercedes. josh was born into a family with a history of mental problems and adopted by a family who had no ability to cope with mental problems, and so he was doomed by biology and then by fate.
when josh was 3 years old, the family took into the home two foster children, a girl and a boy. and josh underwent really horrible and extensive sexual abuse at the hand of scott. i think that it started out playing a little sex games and having him pose naked and then proceeded to full-scale anal intercourse and to josh being burned with cigarettes. against the background of all of this, josh is in a church in which it is taught that there is evil in the world, and probably the greatest abomination of all is homosexuality, and so you have a 5-year-old, a 6-year-old, a 7-year-old listening to this, and thinking to himself that i am fundamentally evil. i have engaged in that kind of activity and not really able to tell anybody about it. there s a theme that i saw in steven s life of betrayal.
all i want to do is die. it is the only way to end the pain i go through everyday 24/7 and more important the pain that trial will bring to others. time to go to the last undiscovered country, although i am not the monster that josh is, i am one nevertheless. a coward, because i could not do what was right. looking back on my life, i was nothing but a self-centered asshole who cared only of himself. but the ironic facet to this is that i have always had the ability to change, but cowards don t change. they become me. the judge actually toured his cell yesterday. it is called a safe cell which will protect him from harming himself. he learned a lot. he wears something called ferguson clothing which is an inmate wears if they are in jeopardy of killing themselves, because they can t tear up the clothes and use it as a noose.