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Somebody whistled for crystal meth whistling and did it again. Anyway tonight we thought wed check in with our old paldz the Television New media in a new segment we call president ial campaign of one Hillary Dennis rodman clinton but two days old two days old and already the reporters assigned to her have repeatedly covered themselves in gore. For mondays chipotle tex mech erection, to tuesdays oh, my god, thats her car. You can see the media running behind me here. To chase the scooby van. lau...

We work on it all day actress Elizabeth Olsen from avengers age of ultron is going to be joining us rate here, right here. [bleep] love it cheers and applause a man in his 50s likes superheroes. What does a man like that wear to sleep in . laughter oversized underoos. What a great saturday. I had a great saturday. Well i hope to have a great saturday next weekend to make up for this horrible lousy saturday for this washington Correspondent Dinner. Yes, once again washingtons best and brightest s...

Jon weve got a good show we made a good show today oh weve got a nice show. Kristen wiig boy, shes good cheers and applause shes going to come out and im going to get her to admit her complicity in the false buildup to the iraq war i think. laughter all right. First you know, the sepublicans there are fat, fat the 2016 candidates drms have decided to skip the primary process entirely more of a coronation type dealey. laughter until now. Have the senator Bernie Sanders made it official he will ru...

Standards they deserve which i have set for myself. Jon really, really really . The constant scandal questions are too much of a distraction. Not the zip lining through a rainforest or parasailing in argentina or chilling with Buddhist Monks in myanmar. You served three terms in congress while apparently also competing on the amazing race. But its the questions that have you all [bleep] up. I cant work like this still i imagine resigning is the hardest thing schock will ever have to do except fo...

Laughter specifically their relatively new choice program, designed to help veterans receive outofnetwork health care to avoid a wait time of four to five. Eons. laughter but one of the programs rules denied thousands of vets eligibility, because they lived less than 40 miles from a v. A. Clinic. As the crow flies. Because that is the least meaningful way to judge how hard it is to get somewhere for noncrows i cannot believe how young i look. laughter jon well guess what folks not six hours afte...

Schock famous for his Downton Abbey style office and pimped out instagram feed has come to a decision. Congressman aaron schock is resigning from congress. I do this with a heavy heart. He said the constant questions over the last six weeks have proven a great distraction from has made it too difficult for me to serve the people of the 18th district with the high standards they deserve which i have set for myself. Jon really, really really . The constant scandal questions are too much of a distr...

Jon welcome to the daily show my name is jon stewart weve got one for you tonight, man. Were not messing around. Our guest tonight, noted audience yells something im sorry . I hope that was not an antisemitic slur. Our guest tonight laughs its my birthday today so cheers and applause thank you for the kind wishes. cheers and applause thank you for the kind birthday wishes, again, thank you. Very kind. But lets get to our show the noted author and inventor neil young is going to be joining us. ch...

Jon hey, welcome to the daily show my name is jon stewart. Good show today. Fabulous author jon meacham. Hes written a biography of jefferson. Cher monohelmsley. laughter . laughter hooray me last night we had on the program Jason Sudeikis from s. N. L. A tremendous, very, very funny man, plays mitt romney and joe biden on the show and he was making a joke on the show about how wouldnt it be funny if in this election it turned out that romney and biden had both won and ended up as president and ...

Whos running the country or the situation the country is in, c. E. O. S are taking action. Like coal magnate Robert Murray who said he would have to fire people if obama won and then fired people while they were still counting florida. Who would have thought . laughter a prophecy fulfilled by the professor seer. Like a weather man forecasting scattered showers and then running up on the roof and peeing on people. laughter youre lucky i didnt call for hail laughter well, they left me no choice. W...

Laughter hooray me last night we had on the program Jason Sudeikis from s. N. L. A tremendous, very, very funny man, plays mitt romney and joe biden on the show and he was making a joke on the show about how wouldnt it be funny if in this election it turned out that romney and biden had both won and ended up as president and Vice President , wouldnt that have been funny and i said, oh, i dont think that could happen, jason. As a man who knows a lot about like and hes like well, i thought that wa...