Page 41 - Welcome Back Program News Today

We have a new ceo who happens to be a woman, a car gal. Jon a car gal, an auto dame, a jel loppy broad. [ laughter ] never has an outgoing ceo promoted change while so perfectly demonstratinging so much further they industrial to go. Have to go but for this horseless carriaged tomato, its looked like nothing but open road. We have a warning for you tonight. Gm is recalling nearly 780,000 older model compact cars. The cars in question Chevrolet Cobalt and pontiac g5s. Jon its a speed bump a recal...

Declassify a comprehensive report on our countrys use of um i guess what the c. I. A. What would called super aggressive terrorist suspect spa treatments during the Bush Administration. [laughter] anyway i assume that the declassified report is excull pa tory and reaffirmed the commitment to the american values. The exposed brutality that stands in stark contrast to our value as a nation. It chronicles a stain on the history that must never be allowed to happen again. This is not what americans ...

Really, the american audience immediately like did we bomb them . What happened . [laughter] after just a few weeks from when crimea officially joined russia another region of ukraine has said ill have what shes having. The crisis in ukraine is deepening this morning with the threat of more lost territory. Prorussia of a at this times why trying to take control. Days ago it was just the local government buildings. Jon now its a deli [ laughter ] wait, wait so in ukraine they are declaring indivi...

March its important to remember this isnt just the eighth month of winter its also womens history month. In honor after this event president obama offered a proposal to rectify an ageold wrong. On average a woman still earns just 77 cents for every dollar a man z. A woman deserves equal pay for equal work and paid leave that lets you take a day off to care for a sick child or parent. Congress needs to act on these priorities. Jon of course they wont. [ laughter ] because in my experience here i ...

Show girls or game of thrones or one of them. Its all nudity to me. First theres been a Big Development in the Chris Christie pthebridgegate scandal. New results of the Chris Christie bridgegate scandal have been released today. Jon i wonder what the results will be of the investigation that Chris Christie himself commissioned. [laughter] perhaps ill read about it in this scandals paper of record the christie suntimespicayune. I havent seen the report. What does it say . This report has come out...

Jon stewart went on a rant. Stewart fired off a tirade, it continued like that for a while in the cheesesy new york accent. Jon cheesy new york accent who the bleep do you think you are talking about a cheesy new york accent you son you forget wait a minute, you know . I hear it now. You are right. It is somewhat pronounced. If i was ranting well, i dont know what to say it was nothing compared to what people on twitter were ranting back. Like bleep you isnt L Jon Stewart for saying deep dish pi...

Been much like our native american and set ancestors usiny part of tragedy of. [laughter] with nonstop expert news reenactments, graphic simulation, with just a souscian of pop culture relevance. Theres a theory out there with a socalled zombie plane theory. Jon because zombies are hot, yo or maybe the plane was cooking meth in a new mexico trailer. [laughter] but the real question is how did the plane meet your mother . [laughter] the point is while other News Networks have been somewhat willin...

Its all nudity to me. First theres been a Big Development in the Chris Christie pthebridgegate scandal. New results of the Chris Christie bridgegate scandal have been released today. Jon i wonder what the results will be of the investigation that Chris Christie himself commissioned. [laughter] perhaps ill read about it in this scandals paper of record the christie suntimespicayune. I havent seen the report. What does it say . This report has come out. It exonerates you completely. Do you feel ex...

Audience. [laughter] the end of march saw the Affordable Care act enrollment deadline. It was a crucial test for the Obama Administration they set an am bishes goal. I think success looks like 7 Million People signing up by the end of march. Jon and failure looks me me looks like we never have this information. Youll never get there. Allegedly four Million People signed up. They expect to three more million in one month. That is goag about a disaster jon disaster its a fever dream. Fit more by t...

Conversation. As you know, our good friends over at the Fox News Network are somewhat obsessed with a certain topic. Ill give you a hint. It starts with b three syllables. Benghazi,. Benghazi. Benghazi. Jon new york city but i can see where you might have got than impression. No new york city. Its a different three syllable syllable no, no, its a different three syllable b word. Beyonce. Jon yeah, beyonce. [ laughter ] as the singer herself has been mispronouncing it all these year beyonce. Mayb...