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You may recall, you probably wont, we didnt. December 2013, General Motors one of americas oldest most often bankrupted auto makers made an historic move. They named a woman as its next ceo. Her name is mary barra. We have a new ceo who happens to be a woman, a car gal. Jon a car gal, an auto dame, a jel loppy broad. [ laughter ] never has an outgoing ceo promoted change while so perfectly demonstratinging so much further they industrial to go. Have to go but for this horseless carriaged tomato,...

Congress. Last week the Senate Intelligence committee voted to declassify a comprehensive report on our countrys use of um i guess what the c. I. A. What would called super aggressive terrorist suspect spa treatments during the Bush Administration. [laughter] anyway i assume that the declassified report is excull pa tory and reaffirmed the commitment to the american values. The exposed brutality that stands in stark contrast to our value as a nation. It chronicles a stain on the history that mus...

Really, the american audience immediately like did we bomb them . What happened . [laughter] after just a few weeks from when crimea officially joined russia another region of ukraine has said ill have what shes having. The crisis in ukraine is deepening this morning with the threat of more lost territory. Prorussia of a at this times why trying to take control. Days ago it was just the local government buildings. Jon now its a deli [ laughter ] wait, wait so in ukraine they are declaring indivi...

How it tended to be less pizzaish than pizza. I was guest tick laying quite a bit during that clip. In articulating that sentiment, i may have implied that deep dish pizza tastes like a string cheese that had been baked for two hours inside of mike ditkas ass. [ laughter ] so i said that on a my program and apparently chicago has television. [laughter] things things are taking offo the the daily show hosts jon stewart rant against our deep dish pizza. Jon stewart trashing our pizza. I take big o...

Benefits of meditation and our favorite palestinian polish cuisine. [laughter] but first a little discussion we were having earlier in the audience. [laughter] the end of march saw the Affordable Care act enrollment deadline. It was a crucial test for the Obama Administration they set an am bishes goal. I think success looks like 7 Million People signing up by the end of march. Jon and failure looks me me looks like we never have this information. Youll never get there. Allegedly four Million Pe...

May have been watching basketball. We addressed a minor incident in our otherwise spotless department of veterans affairs. Something about the phoenix va workers falsifying patient waiting lists so that it didnt seem like veterans had long waits before seeing doctors. laughter but you know t was a good system give or take a couple of scores of veterans we may have killed. I got so mad that i screamed into this jar t is a swear jar that i would scream into. Its pretty full now, unfortunately. Let...

Aggressive terrorist suspect spa treatments during the Bush Administration. [laughter] anyway i assume that the declassified report is excull pa tory and reaffirmed the commitment to the american values. The exposed brutality that stands in stark contrast to our value as a nation. It chronicles a stain on the history that must never be allowed to happen again. This is not what americans do. Yes, this is not what americans except we did. We dont we dont do but we like with your internment coomps ...

Jon problem solved. What better way to convince russia you are not going to persecute ethnic russians in your country than to beat the bleep out of them when they try to talk. It appears theres troubling in the world. The world sends owe you a beacon a cry for help from the worlds super hero america oh, all right. Probably should have seen that beacon 30 years ago. Weve let ourselves go. Much more flattering signal. Go on. The United States and our allies will not hesitate to use 21st century to...

Black sea and is well known for its charges of its light brigades. [ laughter ] who against all odds dont actually win. You pretty much let me tell you something. You want to bet the odds on the light brigade because they go down pretty hard. Nobody . Tennyson, nobody . All right. Americans know nothing about the crimea beyond what was assigned to them in that one english class in eighth grade. I think crimea is lost. I dont think theyll put owl the there. Crimea is effectively gone. Is it lost ...

Jon a car gal, an auto dame, a jel loppy broad. [ laughter ] never has an outgoing ceo promoted change while so perfectly demonstratinging so much further they industrial to go. Have to go but for this horseless carriaged tomato, its looked like nothing but open road. We have a warning for you tonight. Gm is recalling nearly 780,000 older model compact cars. The cars in question Chevrolet Cobalt and pontiac g5s. Jon its a speed bump a recall. Happens all the time. What are are we talking about o...