Page 59 - Welcome Back Program News Today

Show. Im jon stewart. My guest tonight the great louis ck will be joining us this evening. Lets go. The big news today the state of the Union Address which just finished. [ laughter ] an hour ago. [ laughter ] talk about it right now, of course, since we all just saw it. [ laughter ] and are eager to discuss what happened especially joe biden. [laughter] when he farted which was surprising in number and volume. [ laughter ] apparently im not even sure when the president did a whole state of the ...

The Union Address which just finished. [ laughter ] an hour ago. [ laughter ] talk about it right now, of course, since we all just saw it. [ laughter ] and are eager to discuss what happened especially joe biden. [laughter] when he farted which was surprising in number and volume. [ laughter ] apparently im not even sure when the president did a whole state of the Union Address because he released this vine about it yesterday. Tomorrow night its time restore opportunity for all. Tomorrow night ...

World news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] jon welcome to the daily show. My name is jon stewart. We have a good show for you tonight. My guest, my guest on tonights program judge andrew napolitano. Hes going to come on. Were going to talk about lincoln, hot or not . [laughter] i, of course, say hot. I love a good beard. Let me tell you this first were going to turn to crimea. As you know crimea is a region....

Were going to turn to crimea. As you know crimea is a region. [ laughter ] in the southeastern part of ukraine that juts out to the black sea and is well known for its charges of its light brigades. [ laughter ] who against all odds dont actually win. You pretty much let me tell you something. You want to bet the odds on the light brigade because they go down pretty hard. Nobody . Tennyson, nobody . All right. Americans know nothing about the crimea beyond what was assigned to them in that one e...

Afghanistan. What was he up to that night . Its foreign wait and get the facts here. We would all be best serves to know all the facts before we judge. Jon yeah, no, we could do that. [laughter] yeah, we could do that. Or. What we do know is he was a deserter. Looks like a deserter or traitor or both. Likes like he has turned. Converted to islam. Collaborated with his enemies. Flatout antiamerican. In some respects a modernday lee harvey oswald. [laughter] jon in just a few day, Bowe Bergdahl we...

Stephen thats it for the report, everybody. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group a captioning sponsored by Comedy Central from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new new new yors is the daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] welcome to the daily show tonights guest is say big one. Al gore will be joining u. His name interestingly enough an adagram for galore. Thats meaningless. On the minds of everybody, Illega...

Clean up after her when shes done. laughter jon theres that charm that borders on the edge of dickishness. laughter Anthony Weiner, former congressman, turned amateur photographer laughter hes really about 10 man and 90 gristle at this point. [bleep] the mayorral campaign was designed as a humble bid for new york voters redemption and forgiveness but now it is somewhat noticeably curved a bit to the right a way from that premise. Really . Is it ambition, a hunger for the big job, the power . Har...

Pennsylvania avenue at the white house. Well take a look at the rest of the country and the rest of the globe. John kerry announcing yesterday that the initial round of peace talks here in washington were successful and the representatives of the palestinian territories and israel will meet again in a couple of weeks somewhere in the middle east. More on that and a whole lot more. Youll want to talk about it at 186655press, thats our toll free number. On twitter at bpshow and on facebook at face...

Or your money back. Like, i would love to see how you try to get your money back from this. You call up, youre like, hi, uh, two years ago. I bought a bat house and theres no. Theres no bats in it. Where did i put it . I put it in the front yar. Oh, you gotta put it in the back yard. Oh, okay. Hi, uh, four years ago. I bought a bat. Oh, you no longer sell bat houses . What do you. Snake apartments . thats my time thank you very much have a good night, everybody from Comedy Centrals world news he...

Stephen thats it for the from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central jon welcome to the daily show. My name is jon stewart. My guest is bob costas. Bob costas. Hes going to be joining us on the program. Were going to begin with big news out of washington. In these recent years of perpetual war our military had to address some standard issues in order to keep enlistments up theyve loo...