or what the deal was. and there was a lot bigger explosion after that. >> you're on the fire fighting team, of course, what you did because that's your duty. you went out and grabbed your gear and went to the fire fighting station. you saw the rig on fire. how were you struck by that scene? >> when i saw the derrick on fire, you knew that there was no way we were putting that fire out. i knew we were going, more than likely, going to abandon the rig. i still kind of in shock. i just didn't expect to see that. >> did you fear for your life at that point? >> absolutely. that was the main thing going through my head. it just hit me in my stomach. i just -- that's all i kept thinking is there is no way we're getting off here. we're all dead. >> and one of the first things that you saw was you saw the crane operator who had been knocked off of his staircase and fallen probably 40, 50 feet to the deck. you and a partner who was on the fire fighting team thought about trying to get to him. why were you unable to get to