child that is going to cause all of this pain and anguish. that isn't the way it happened. in my mind, you cannot tell how certain actions or reactions are going to be computed in a child's mind. so, the first thing i thought about was, was he emotionally -- did he come out of this life with us emotionally disturbed in some way? he didn't. i've asked him. >> some people would say that someone who had committed such horrible crimes must have had something horrible happen to them. you're saying just didn't happen? >> you know, i wish i had an answer. it's a terrible feeling to have this unending, unknown, why did this happen? what's the purpose of this