A selfie the author took while video chatting with Gabe in October 2018. When Gabriel, my boyfriend of nearly three years died, the first thing I did was Google “What do you do when your boyfriend dies?” I couldn’t find the answer I was looking for, so I went to the county library, and through boogers and tears, told the librarian what had happened and asked her for a book on grief. The librarian gave me a list and I checked out every book on it. When I got home and began paging through them, I realized none of them were going to help me. All of them assumed my boyfriend and I had a physical connection, and we didn’t. We had never even met in person.