song "it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood" which was a nice idea, clever idea, but as those of you who lined up on hollywood boulevard know, there has never been a beautiful anything in this neighborhood. [ laughter ] this neighborhood, this is where homeless spidermen gather to steal wallets from canadians. that's what we do here. [ laughter ] a lot of the focus going into the show last night was on the lack of diversity. all the acting nominees but one were caucasian. and what do you do when you have a diversity problem? well, you hit them with the world's most famous white rapper, eminem. that's what you do. [ laughter ] i actually learned a lot last night. for instance, that song from "frozen 2," equally annoying in every language. [ laughter ] there were plenty of controversial moments. i think trump gained another 15% of the vote after those acceptance speeches last night. bottom line, don't expect to see the joker doing a got milk commercial anytime soon. [ laughter ] the big winner last night was "parasite." the movie won four oscars, including best picture. "parasite," if you haven't seen it -- you should. it's very good. is a south korean film that tells the story of a family who cons their way into a house they have no business living in and things go very wrong from there. the american version of it is called the trumps. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it's also known as "parasite." as well as tanning with just a bucket. bong joon ho won best screenplay and best director. it's the first time a non-english language film won best picture. and the first time a guy named bong won anything other than a hackie sack contest. [ laughter ] this guy, he was the highlight of the night. he used a translator for most of his remarks, but he also made the most of the english he does know backstage. >> it was the same process making this film where we've had these amazing results. it still feels very surreal. i feel like something will hit me and i will wake up from this dream. >> it's really [ bleep ] crazy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: to put it succinctly, yes. anyway, move over large glass contraption on seth rogen's nightstand. hollywood has a new favorite bong. [ laughter ] the show last night was the lowest-rated oscars ever by a lot. they had a "parasite" and no host, which makes no sense. but while the ratings were down here in the united states, this is a show that's seen all over the globe. and many of the 225 countries that air the oscars sent correspondents. this is red carpet coverage from sweden. and keep an eye on who shows up at the end of this clip. >> [ speaking foreign language ]. hello, salma. how are you doing? >> [ bleep ]. [ bleep ]. >> look at that. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i don't know what's more embarrassing. what was more embarrassing, the swedish guy mistaking penelope cruz for salma hayek or al pacino mistaking guillermo for a real yoert on t real reporter on the red carpet? [ laughter ] did you have fun guillermo? >> guillermo: a lot of fun. >> jimmy: you had a lot of big stars. we'll show you that in a moment. all the big stars are part of this. attorney general william barr has confirmed that the justice department is conduct a review of whatever nonsense rudy giuliani dug up or digs up on the bidens in ukraine. and that brings up an interesting question, which is how many times can we impeach the same president? maybe it will be four. i don't know. but trump is shaking his tiny fists at his enemies. he's acting to punish those who testified against him. over the weekend he fired gordon sondland, the ambassador to the eu, and he also removed lieutenant colonel alexander vindman from the national security council. he had him escorted from the building where he worked. i guess susan collins was right. he definitely learned his lesson after the trial. but both men who were fired testified under subpoena, which means trump is now firing people for obeying the law. lieutenant vindman is a highly decorated officer. he's the recipient of the purple heart. and the president weighed in on him on twitter. he wrote, "fake news cnn and msdnc keep talking about lieutenant colonel vindman as though i should think only how wonderful he was. actually, i don't know him, never spoke to him or met him. i don't believe. but he was very insubordinate. reported contents of my perfect calls incorrectly and was given a horrendous report by his superior, the man he reported to, who publicly stated that vindman had problems with judgment, adhering to the chain of command and leaking information. in other words, out." he's firing the people who testified against him. and no one seems to -- well, i guess some people have a problem with it. but not enough people. one trump adviser said the president is flushing out the pipes. which is also what he calls ordering a black coffee and a filet-o-fish. [ laughter ] not only did he fire one vindman, he also fired vindman's twin brother, who didn't -- he didn't even testify. i guess trump told his staff get rid of anyone that looks like that guy. [ laughter ] and trump is now also targeting nancy pelosi for tearing up his state of the union speech. >> well, i thought it was a terrible thing when she ripped up the speech. first of all, it's an official document. you're not allowed. it's illegal what she did. she broke the law. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, lock her up, right? isn't that how we do it? and you think all that is bad. wait until you see the budget trump unveiled today. this budget makes major cuts to medicare, medicaid, social security, food stamps, environmental protection, and children's health insurance. and it would cut funding for the center for disease control, the cdc, which seems like a great idea with the coronavirus brewin this is definitely the time to make cuts to the cdc. but be not concerned because today trump announced that he has a handle on the coronavirus too. >> now, the virus that we're talking about having to do -- you know, a lot of people think that goes away in april with the heat, as the heat comes in. typically that will go away in april. again, as i mentioned, by april or during the month of april the heat generally speaking kills this kind of virus. so that will be a good thing. but we're in great shape in our country. >> jimmy: yes, yes. don't worry. global warming is here to stop the coronavirus. [ laughter ] it's not the heat. it's the stupidity really. in other reality show news, tonight on abc we were treated to a new episode of "the bachelor." we're down to the final four. kelsey, hannah ann, madison, and amy klobuchar, i think. but i picked hannah ann to -- hannah ann, madison, and kelly as the final three. kelly got the boot tonight. this was also maybe the most dramatic episode yet for the word like. by our country there were 229 "likes" on tonight's show. which is like ridiculous. especially when you line them up. this is just a fraction of the likening storm bachelor viewers were forced to endure. >> such a dream to be here. >> i think like when you've only gotten like five minutes with him for the past like forever. >> like. >> like. >> like. >> like like like like. >> like, like, like, like. >> like. like. like. like. >> i feel like i just like -- >> like, like, like, like, like. >> like. >> like. like. like. >> like, like, like. >> like, like, like, like, like. >> like, like, like. >> like. like. >> like. like. >> like, like, like. >> like like like. >> like like. >> like like like like. >> like like like. >> like. >> like like like. >> like like like. >> like like like. >> literally. >> like like. >> i like cannot even. like i'm so happy. >> jimmy: right. yeah. [ cheers and applause ] this truly is the golden age of television. without the word like that show would be 12 minutes long. so next week it's on to the hometown visits. and i don't know about you but i'm excited. i love the -- it's always fun to see where someone who thinks it's a good idea to find a husband on tv grew up. [ laughter ] we've got a terrific show for you tonight. harrison ford is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] wiz khalifa brought a lot of friends 37 but before we get to them, oscars happened last night. all the stars were aligned on the red carpet. and once again who was there to realign them? none other than our amigo guillermo, who filed this report. ♪ >> guillermo: hi, it's me guillermo. i'm here at the oscars. and it's time to go bananas with don julio 1942. hi, how are you? >> hi, guillermo. >> guillermo: how are you doing? >> i'm good. how are you? >> guillermo: you look beautiful. >> thank you. >> guillermo: are you happy for white people this year? >> happy for white people? >> guillermo: yeah. they're all nominated. it seems like this is the year. [ laughter ] >> it's their year every year. right? >> guillermo: most of the time. >> yeah, most of the time. >> guillermo: is hitler cool? >> no. >> guillermo: no? >> he's an absolute psycho. >> guillermo: hi, al pacino. >> good to see you. >> guillermo: how are you? >> very well. >> guillermo: are you afraid of al pacino? >> i'm terrified of him. is he here? >> guillermo: who's more cute, baby yoda or me? >> baby yoda. >> guillermo: you know meryl streep, right? >> i do. >> guillermo: she's not nominated this year. >> i'm sorry to hear that. she should be nominated for walking down the street. >> guillermo: i saw it too. so i made her a card and i want everybody to sign it. >> yeah, that's sweet. i think this is really going to make her feel better. >> guillermo: sign over here so she can feel better. >> that's lovely. >> guillermo: anything you'd like to say to meryl streep? >> yes. you're a loser this year but you're going to get 'em next time. >> thank you so much. >> i love meryl streep and i think she's always a winner. so that's why i'm not going to sign this [ bleep ] card. >> guillermo: oh, okay. what are you doing tonight? are you presenting? >> i'm presenting. i'm so nervous and excited. >> guillermo: i have a joke for you. >> okay. >> guillermo: here. >> why didn't the star of "joker" take a limo? because he preferred joaquin. that's great. >> why are the little women so little? >> guillermo: why? >> because they wear spanx. >> what do you get when you take one pope and add another pope? >> guillermo: what do you get? >> two popes. >> guillermo: i didn't see that movie "parasite" because i have a mother-in-law. >> what's this? >> guillermo: can you translate? >> oh. so sad. >> you want me to say it right now? >> guillermo: yeah, read it. >> "1917" is not just a movie. it's also the number of times i had to pee during "the irishman." then you hold like that and then you release. >> guillermo: how are you? >> i'm okay. how are you doing? >> guillermo: are we getting back together or what? >> did we break up? >> guillermo: yeah, we did. >> i didn't know that. >> guillermo: yeah. i have a joke for you. okay? look. read it. >> should i try this? grptd yeah. try it. >> he's a clever fellow. >> guillermo: try it. >> i'll try it. i'll try to it tonight. >> guillermo: i'll read it. what does brad pitt sweat from? his pit. i'm so funny. >> guillermo: robert! robert de niro right here! robert! the irishman doesn't want to talk to the mexican. hi. how are you? you look beautiful. >> thank you. what are you doing here? >> guillermo: i'm interviewing you. you want to go banana tonight? >> what are you going to do? >> guillermo: here. let's go banana tonight. real quick. >> how many other lips have touched this? >> guillermo: you're the first one. i promise. >> you're a liar. >> guillermo: i swear. >> what's inside? i guess we'll figure it out. >> guillermo: tequila. >> it's smooth. >> guillermo: yeah. >> oh, my god. is that tequila in that banana? >> yeah. >> i'm doing it. >> guillermo: i always keep tequila in my banana. >> how many people put their mouths on this? >> guillermo: no one. so far nobody. you're going to be the first one. [ laughter ] would you like a drink out of my banana? >> no. that sounds foul. >> guillermo: no? >> no. >> guillermo: hold on. i'm getting a phone call. i think it's for you. in this tequila. >> hello. what? i can't hear you. >> guillermo: like that. >> amazing. did you make this? >> guillermo: yeah. it's mexican technology. [ laughter ] >> wow. that's very good. >> oh! >> i cannot drink right now. >> guillermo: no? >> no. i've got to work, man. >> guillermo: okay. what about regular one? you're my kind of girl. charlize, how are you? >> where's my shot? >> guillermo: in the banana. >> oh, my god. >> guillermo: tequila's calling you. >> oh, my god. are you kidding me? how many of these do you have? let me pat you down. >> okay. that was good. i'm so glad i met you tonight. >> guillermo: one more joke. this is irish. what did the irishman say to the mexican? let's get drunk. i like you, man. what are you doing after the show? >> i won't be with you. >> guillermo: all right. >> but i'll give you a kiss. >> guillermo: thank you. i just got to first base with harvey keitel. that's it from the red carpet. everybody loves drinking from my banana. thank you very much. see you next year. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's how we gave everyone in hollywood the flu. we have a good show tonight. we have music from wiz khalifa, ty dolla sign, lil' yachty, science bob pflugfelder is here, and we'll be right back with harrison ford. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by sprint. ultra-wide on iphone 11! h (paul) and i love how at sprint... (sprintern) ...you can get the amazing iphone 11 for zero dollars a month when you trade-in your iphone 6s or newer... (paul) in any condition. (sprintern) seriously, in any condition. (paul) and because sprint likes to do things differently, they're offering a 100% total satisfaction guarantee. while i think their network and savings are great, you don't just have to take my word for it. try it out and see the savings for yourself. 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(whistling) othroughout the country for the past twelve years, mr. michael bloomberg is here. vo: leadership in action. mayor bloomberg and president obama worked together in the fight for gun safety laws, to improve education, and to develop innovative ways to help teens gain the skills needed to find good jobs. obama: at a time when washington is divided in old ideological battles he shows us what can be achieved when we bring people together to seek pragmatic solutions. bloomberg: i'm mike bloomberg and i approve this message. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi. welcome back. tonight, he is a teacher from boston and lover of explosions. here he is at work. science bob pflugfelder is here. and who knows what he's got up his lab coat sleeve tonight. look at that. all right. he is going to mushroom cloud this stuff tonight. then with their song from the movie "sonic the hedgehog," wiz khalifa, ty dolla sign, lil' yachty, sueco the child from the mercedes-benz stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, amy poehler and david sedaris will join us tomorrow, with music from super m. and later this week from "american idol" katy perry, lionel richie and luke bryan. chris pratt, lucy hale, huey lewis, and music from andy schaaf and sam hunt. please join us for all of that. our first guest tonight is one of the great actors and one of the rare white men who looks good in a hat. his latest motion picture is "the call of the wild." it opens in theaters february 21st. please welcome harrison [ cheers and applause ] how are you? very good to see you. did you watch the oscars last night? >> they were last night? [ laughter ] oh, man. >> jimmy: you missed it again. you didn't even go when you were nominated for best actor, right? >> what? >> jimmy: yeah. you were nominated for "witness." the movie "witness." you were nominated in 1986. you did not attend the oscars. >> well, i had a lot of homework. >> jimmy: last time you were here -- >> it's old news. >>. >> jimmy: -- or maybe it was the time before. i don't remember. you were almost pleading with the "star wars" people to kill han solo. you'd had enough of han solo. you wanted him dead. and then -- >> we're putting a different complexion on it. i figured that his utility had been exhaust ed, bled out, and was -- well, and i was willing to die for the cause. >> jimmy: for the cause. i didn't realize. >> bring some gravitas. some base. >> jimmy: and you did indeed die for the cause. >> i did. no good deed goes unpunished. >> jimmy: yeah. like jesus han solo rose again. >> i like jesus. >> jimmy: maybe a little less dramatically than jesus and it took more time than it took jesus, but it's still like jesus. how did that happen? who convinced you to do that? because i would imagine it took some convincing. >> j.j. said this is a good idea. i, j.j., have decided that this is a good idea. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and i would like you to do it. >> jimmy: and you trust him enough that when he says something like that you're on board? >> don't you? >> jimmy: yes, i do. absolutely. yeah. but i'm not harrison ford. quite a distance from it. >> i'm actually not either. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: guillermo, remove this man. >> i'm little harry ford. i'm harry ford. >> jimmy: what kind of music are you -- do you like in general? >> i generally like the kind of music that nobody is liking at the time. >> jimmy: i see. because this is something that was posted by sergio mendes. on facebook. and there he is. sergio mendes. he did a lot of very popular songs. >> and that's me. >> jimmy: he wrote "the force awakens before han solo, a great carpenter named harrison ford. here he is with his crew the day they finished building my rorgd studio back in 1970. thank you, harrison. may the force be with you." and there you are, baked out of your mind, yes? [ applause ] >> no, i'm not baked out of my mind. i'm working. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: when you were working as a carpenter and building these kind of places here in l.a., would you charge more to a celebrity than you would to a regular civilian? >> wouldn't you? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes. sergio spent $6 million on that recording studio. do you still fix things around the house? do you still put those skills to use? >> yeah. if it's not too complicated. >> jimmy: if it's not too complicated you'll do it? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and are people overly impressed by that? >> not my wife. >> jimmy: she expects it and you do it. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you worked at the -- was it the first crate & barrel in chicago? >> yeah. >> jimmy: when was that that you worked at crate & barrel? because i love this idea, this vision. >> it was for about four months until i got fired. >> jimmy: oh, they fired you? >> yeah. >> jimmy: why did they fire you? >> i came back late from lunch. >> jimmy: that was it? >> yeah. >> jimmy: what was your position there? >> i vaguely remember that i was either -- it was their first store. and the couple