the changes that -- the abrupt change is a lot to handle. and it is a lot to process. so for us the three of us that were hostages we all had fairly large families with children. for me it was a sensory overload. it was not negative in the sense that i didn't want to see them. but there is only so much i could take in the beginning. and it took a while to get back to it. and i think it is just part of that type of absence for that long of a time. >> and is part of that, keith, because you were totally controlled. you have no control. i assume what happens on any given day, what time you can seat and go to the bathroom, that type of thing? >> oh, absolutely, i can remember making some comments, about his condition, look at his eyes. well, we all looked like that. we're in a canopy jungle.