that pain's with me every day. what if i just choose not to think about it? i do want to experience things more emotionally. i want to be human. so i want to go back and understand why everything happened. and if i understand why it happened, i think that will help me move forward. so right now i'm heading towards atlantic city to meet with my second cousin toby. atlantic city was my home. i was born there. i lived the first three years of my life there. i'd like to find out how two children that were there complete livan issued and were never thought of or spoken of