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face first into the glitter and i'm only just pulling myself out now. but once i stopped drinking and taking drugs t became clear there was a lot more on offer. the ability to, in fact, as they say, recovery, the term "recovery" is undergirded by the idea we recover the person we're intended to be. this idea of intention i think is rather beautiful because when you live in a nihilistic, post rationalistic, materialistic world where there can't be no glory or meaning, none of russ meant to be anything, the idea there might be a purpose for you, that there might be something you can become, this, um -- i found this -- i did a very engaging and comfort -- i engaged the more narcissistic aspects of me i can achieve something in my life but as time has gone on, there's an ongoing tension between these things, individual achievement and sort of ongoing desire for recognition and applaudist but a deeper understanding there's

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