Huffington Square News Today : Breaking News, Live Updates & Top Stories | Vimarsana

♪ i made the jokes, i played the fool ♪ ♪ i took time, made all the plans ♪ ♪ i know i told you ♪ that we were supposed to have something ♪ ♪ booked for this weekend but i changed my mind ♪ ♪ i changed my mind, i changed my mind ♪ ♪ i changed my mind and i changed my mind ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. we have a guest tonight, the great matthew mcconaughey -- [cheers and applause] -- is going to be joining us. we're going to sit right here to...

and within was arrested because he had marijuana in his pockets. [ laughter ] >> jon: you know it's bad when johnny wake and bake is the responsible guard. i can't imagine what is in the pockets of the other 78 guys who didn't show up. you want special k? you just need a good security trainer, a guy who is going whip these guys into shape. >> undercover sun video shows a security trainer who thinks knives are not a threat. >> if you have a knife what kind of damage are they talking about doing with a knife? you can make stab, one or two or three people. >> jon: olympic organizers i h...

- can we borrow the r-- you said we could-- - we're supposed to borrow it to go to the xzibit concert? - just hurry up. - do you remember? - all right, we'll just wait. we'll wait a little bit. [montez and colleen moaning] - well, it's been like an hour. should we go get a snack or something? - yeah, it's hot, man. i could go for a drink. [splashing] - [moaning] - whoa! - yes. anything but a squirt. - nice. [snorting] [party horn blows] captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. we...

been wondering what they may have missed there was the incredibly understated news of the world scandal coverage, our in no way derogatory look at your queen's rain soaked birthday flotilla and the respectful coverage of your royal wedding. ♪ oh, yeah, hitler is hiding in there ♪ [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] hold on. sorry. i'm being told we're no longer on the air in the united kingdom. i forgotten paddington bear was (bleep) off during that scene for no apparent reason whatsoever. [ laughter ] been a rough ride as of late for the pasty friends across the pond. you had the...