Page 5 - Noah Jay News Today : Breaking News, Live Updates & Top Stories | Vimarsana

- dee: no, charlie-- - dennis: charlie, shut your mouth. why can't you just die and leave your money to your kids like normal parents of america? you sound like your mother. you say that to my face?! excuse me. ( yelling continues ) excuse me! thank you. we're looking for the owners. we're the owners. i'm detective tanner. this here's detective altby. gentlemen, we're gonna have to talk to you for a moment. about what? you gentlemen know anything about this? uhhh... ohhh... (bleep). december 6, 2011. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" ...

headed into the tube making your way from the southeast freeway into the tunnel and back out towards new york avenue. live shot right now of the beltway, traffic running smoothly each way traveling between 95 and 270. no trouble spots there. for those traveling to the west on 66, you're going to find lanes are open. nice easy drive from fair oaks. the hot lane zone has picked up. and now a live shot of traffic across the 395 at 14th street bridge, looks good coming headed towards the key bridge. that's a check of your fox 5 ontime traffic. absolute shock and horror on the campus of...

rocks! the rocks! of course, not as on the rocks as it was in the 17th century when your friends the pilgrims outlawed christmas celebrations as a sacrilege and declared gifts and christmas decorations satan cal, levying a five-shilling fine on anyone for saying merry christmas. five shillings. i mean, in those days that's two milk cows and a buckled hat. (laughter) if the pilgrims were alive today, this is how they'd decorate the town square. (laughter) or perhaps you'd prefer to celebrate christmas the way our founding fathers did? >> on december 25, 1789, the united states congres...

warm up my family for when i get home. when i get home "dad!" my guest tonight, jonah hill. friends... friends-- and i say that not really being able to see who's watching-- friend, it's that time of year again. holiday magic. the twinning of lights, the nothing of eggs and, of course, anger and bitter disappointment. >> rhode island governor lincoln chafee coming under fire after refusing to call the tree in the rhode island statehouse a christmas tree. >> jon: he insists people call it the devil's pine! (laughter) satan's spruce! a tree bortion. (laughter) it's fox's war on christm...

- that guy is awesome! - yeah. - take my money. - what's he doing? - oh, dude! aaaaa...you are awesome! you should come to our house and party, and bring eunice and all these awesome chicks. - [laughs] heil, shitler! - cool, cool. definitely. both: shitler party, shitler party, yeah. - wow, i don't know what that means! - nice. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com december 6, 2011. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show"...