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Ask Howard • 01-15-21 How to do the wrong thing right Lookie here, a new year! And a newly-capsized world order, too! A muddied mess is our tenuous republic; still, it’s hardly Armageddon. We’ve been here before, folks. No bottom’s too low that Trump won’t go: He simply doesn’t give a flying fuck. Amidst swirling whirlpools of breaking news as my deadline loomed, Speaker of the House Pelosi, was frantically calling our nation’s “Football Carrier” to block “unhinged” L’Orange accessing the nuclear codes to prevent “distraction” from charges of inciting a violent mob...

ASK HOWARD • 12-18-20 How To Do The Wrong Thing Right Well, she did it, my Christmas revelers! Let’s give her a big draught of eggnog and a slice of limited-edition fruitcake, too—Devil’s food flavored! Miz Rona, within less than a single year upon her arrival here on the shores of Freedom’s Land, has now emerged triumphant as the number 1 killer in the entire United States—surpassing even heart disease and cancer (each of which only claims, respectively, 1,800 victims and 1,700 victims, per day). Coronavirus now snatches 3,000 souls every 24 hours, and rising. Yes, my pets, the b...