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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20121221

Cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Now for your yuletide enjoyment the new host from live at Lincoln Center and broadway star Audra Mcdonald. Hit it, andy. I really cant stay baby, its cold outside ive got to go away baby its cold outside this evening has been so very nice ill squeeze your hands, theyre just like ice my mother will start to veryry and father will be pacing the floor listen to fir place roar so really i gotta scurry well, maybe just a half a drink more put the some records on while a pour the neighbors might think baby, its bad out there say, whats in this drink . I wish i knew how to break the spell ill take your hat, your lair looks swell i ought to say no, no, no, at least im going to say that i tried whats the use of hurting my pride i really cant stay, oh, but its cold outside baby, its cold outside cheers and applause stephen
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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20121220

Headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart cheers and applause jon welcome to the daily show. What a good one we have for you tonight. My name is jon stewart. Our guest tonight, alan simpson onethird of the singing trio ashford and simpson and bowles laughter you should not get their album. Theyre not very good. Lets begin tonight with america. Its great and republicans in the United States senate think its about time america cafta, side its famed humility and let the world see the awesomeness that is us. The nation and the world need strong american leadership. We need to continue to lead the world. We wanted our example to inspire the people of the earth. Theyre waiting for america to lead the way. We are as a nation a beacon of hope for many across the globe. Weve created a beacon of hope and opportunity for the rest of the world. Jon a beacon of hope. A home beacon, a come on, world follow our leadership. ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20121220

Whether you like it or not. Well then, steve, youre fired . Good. You treat me like garbage. You can run this place on your own. I shouldve left when the others did. Now, if youll excuse me, im going to india [indian music] rock shit pony . Steve . Im sorry, guys. I guess i shouldve practiced more. I got lazy and let it all go to my head. [chuckles] looks like you let some of it go to your ass, too its okay, connie. You. You ruined me that vagina could have been bigger than the beatles too bad its attached to an egomaniac get out youre fired take the brown one and the Walking Stick with tits with you well, a compliment, finally hey what the hell are you doing . We are just stealing from work. That is what americans do, yes . Yes mohindernanthan. We are entitled. My Bulletin Board that is it youre all fired im calling your company right now. [phone ringing] [heavy asian accent] ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20121220

We need to continue to lead the world. We wanted our example to inspire the people of the earth. Theyre waiting for america to lead the way. We are as a nation a beacon of hope for many across the globe. Weve created a beacon of hope and opportunity for the rest of the world. Jon a beacon of hope. A home beacon, a come on, world follow our leadership. Did you hear me, world . Come on, follow laughter dont make me send in the bleep drones. Get behind us. Come on laughter i will rain down hellfire laughter actually this week presented america with just that kind of leadership opportunity. Theres a senate vote tomorrow on a United Nations disabilities treaty. Advocates say the United Nations treaty approved by 126 countries, would promote equal rights and better treatment for the disabled inspired by u. S. Law, the americans with stabilities act. Jon youre welcome. laughter . On ....

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