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i call it, everybody run! it's the attack on brass. why are the democrats so evil? [laughter] [cheers and applause] >> greg: you know, sometimes i think he takes my direction too literally. i said, you know, it's about attacking children and he goes the attack on brats. like a 1950s horror movie about sausage. tonight i dedicate my monologue to the next generation because someone's got to look out for them t democrats certainly aren't. fact is we're in a cultural war and the kids are caught in the cross fire literally if they're in chicago or baltimore or dc. if the mayor stands for ...

and cogen analysis it's the honesty like a clogged men's room toilet at a time square burger king. we are brimming with it. for example, just now i said happy wednesday and, true, it's wednesday. fox and friends would have said something like, thursday. stupid liars. but that's not just an isolated instance of honesty. it permeates this show like powdered sugar in brian stelter's chest hair. keep telling him to shave. for example, this was a slow news day. so slow i was like the only one in this building. wait until jesse sees what i did to his suits. hi no idea polyester was that fl...

What if kat you were a contractor, just saw this story and said wait a second, i did a lot of work for chris brown, i didn't see a dime. what do you do >> kat: forget that. imagine being in prison for tax fraud and seeing this story. >> greg: that's true >> kat: you're like go to prison for not paying your taxes and you're like, oh, you needed to pay nickelback? i would be -- oh, man, i would be even more pissed than you already would be because you're probably pissed if you're in prison. but the government is so mans mitt that it's this patriotic thing to pay your fair share of taxs the. ther...

Army. right? so you just catch a couple dudes, big girls, put them on a plane and say hey, you won a trip to the ukraine. >> greg: you know, i don't know if that's constitutional, kat. >> michael: she doesn't believe in-laws. >> greg: that's true >> kat: no. just not most laws >> greg: what do you make -- do you get the sense that retail is dead when insurance companies don't care? >> kat: that's the thing you're saying how does the looting keep going. i don't understand how stores keep going. because like even before this stores passed their heyday a long time ago. i've never gone to store it...

Butterface. listen i think it's great especially if you don't want to go to the beach and then have to change to rob a bank. >> greg: yeah, those big ladies in the b block could have used that. big ladies in d. kat, jamie makes a good point, if you're actually very hot, say somebody like me, i would never wear that. why deprive this face to the world >> kat: yeah, i would never wear it either, but i think that's more because of my adult acne and the way that it would probably trap all my sweat and bacteria would only make things worse. and why do they want to go to the beach that bad. >> greg:...