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Tosh i dont know how she did it but toward the end it was annoying. Say what you will about my show but at least its over. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause stephen whooo whooo whooo Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen welcome to the report. Thank you so much for joining us. Nation thank you. Folks, its wonderful to have you in here, out there, all around the world. Ladies and gentlemen, i have to say right off the bat, i know this is not guess to come to any surprise to all you heroes out there but ive had it...

Of philadelphia. And i may have overstepped. Sometimes you hurt those you dont intend to. In this case, the philly phanatic. Obviously theres no need to rehash who called who a bleep up jim henson reject looking piece of bleep . Or words exactly to that effect. The point is, it was said. Most likely by the one of us who doesnt have a blow tickler in place of a functioning larynx. However, after our taping, it was brought to my attention that the mascot of my preferred baseball club, one mr. Met, is himself neither fully animal nor human but is in fact an at least equally hideous halfman halfba...

Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen stephen. Stephen welcome to the report. Thank you for joining us, ladies and gentlemen. cheers and applause folks ladies and gentlemen, if you watch this show and i hope you do you know that i am americas most prominent catholic. My faith is so strong, doctors have actually called it a messiah complex. laughter not too shabby. But im also americas foremost capitalist. I love the invisible hand of the market so much i let it get to third base, which is why i had problems with pope francis ...

A [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] a. Stephen welcome to the report. Thank you so much for joining us. What are we doing . [audience chanting stephen] [cheering and applause] welcome to the report. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for joining us, ladies and gentlemen. What an evening. Now, folks. Folks, i got to thank you for being here. Its been great show so far, but before we go, i want to update you on my ongoing war with amazon. Last week i broke the story of something about me. You see, amazon is in heated contract negotiations with my publisher hachette. Theyre delaying...

Silent and party and Rob Rhinehart wants to replace all meals with a nutrient rich shake with soylent. Hes people. Police in arizona arrested a man trying to shoot the moon with a handgun. What an idiot. Have you to wait until its full. This is the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [cheers and applause] welcome to report, everybody. Whoo, whoo good to have you with us. [cheering] stephen it was all over the place. Thank you, so much. Folks, we have have to settle down. Im sorry. We have to do this. Im sorry. I understand the feeling but there is no time for your celebratio...