Beyond, you will be well served by the lessons youre learned here. Its important to share, dont eat paste, and if you spinkle when you tinkle, be neat and wipe the seat. I wish i could tell you things will get easier and life will be nothing but crayons and baby carrots, but soon you will have to learn valuable lessons like how to use scissors with pointy tips and, trust me, its always funny until someone loses an eye, and, even then, sometimes amusing. In closing, i would like to end by paraphrasing my character seebastien de valmont from dangerous liaisons, a story about a man in 18th century france engaging in multiple affairs, your future is beyond my control. Congratulations, class of 2020. Ill be accepting tips and macaroni necklaces via venmo. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight no math, dont tell. Plus stephen welcomes Vice President joe biden, featuring jon batiste and stay holmin. Glnd now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen you
With Stephen Colbert tonight, acting out and about. Plus, tonight, stephen welcomes Anderson Cooper and musical guest mark foster, featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen you ready to do it . Come on welcome to the late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. It was a beautiful weekend. Warm weather and sunny across the country. What a disaster. Weve all been staying inside for over seven weeks now, and we know we should stay inside, but the beautiful weather was just too tempting. It led to huge nonsocially distanced crowds in new york city parks. I understand, new yorkers. Its so nice out you want to head to the park to watch a squirrel battle a rat over a corn cob. Its not just new york. Down in atlanta, crowds gathered to buy the new Michael Jordan shoes. This latest style is called airborne jordans. While Public Health officials are worried, one person isnt too concerned donald trump. He had a fox news virtual town h
And, yes, thats an unarmed protester in a cage. But in my defense, he was resisting, and delicious. Remember, only you are responsible for what i do with dr. Stick here. Im just following orders. Now, if youll excuse me, curfews coming up, and i need to go season a few protesters. Its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight more quiet than riot. Plus, stephen welcomes congresswoman karen bass Andrew Ross Sorkin and musical guests grace potter with Jackson Browne marcus king and lucius featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen you ready over there . Yeah. Stephen what, are you ordering dinner . I was just checking me email. Stephen youre checking your emails. Were doing a show. Welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Its friday. America made it to the end of the week. So, tgif, by which, of course, now stands for this government is fascist. Im kidding, obviously. It really stands for, tell god im furiou
And paper retirement. These have been some of the greatest days of my life. Now i go on to bigger things partial ownership of the local pontiac dealer. Stop by a4 auto for great deals on new and used pontiacs. Paper sports still more exciting than baseball announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight mall victories. Pus, stephen welcomes senator Amy Klobuchar and mayor pete buttigieg. And musical guest haim. Featuring jon batiste and stay and now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen no, im not doing it without you. I wont do it without you. Okay stephen hey and welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. And i am happy to say today im joined, as my stage manager and cameraman and sound person, my lovely wife, evie. Evie, wont you just join us . Thank you very much hello. laughs stephen there you go we just got a mature rating. And it makes me happy to have my wife here, and i need something to make me happy, and im sure you do, too. Beca
Its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight whotion up, doc . Plus, stephen welcomes Christine Baranski and ellie kemper with a special appearance by paul f. Tompkins. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen hello, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Welcome to my home ,again. Fun fact two months ago today, we left the ed sullivan theater. I hope someones been checking on ed. Dont really know when well be back. Its all dependent on when we can gather safely. The country is starting to open up a little bit, but maybe too much a little bit, at least according to Infectious Disease expert and little boy in sweet shop indicating which toffee he would like, dr. Anthony fauci. In a preview of his testimony, today, fauci warned that reopening the economy too soon would cause needless suffering and death. No need to sugarcoat it, doc. Although, sugarcoating is a good way to get trum