like, i thought i was going to die. i didn't think i was going to go home that day. i knew if i texted my parents that i loved them, i was going to cry, and i just -- i couldn't. i wasn't going to let myself cry. i just figured, you know what, if i'm going to die, my parents know i love them. so this is why i didn't text them. >> the randomness of survival in a situation like that, it's terrifying how arbitrary it can be, who lives, who dies, who gets injured, who doesn't. that person banging on the door three times and then deciding to move on with the rest of his friends and other people who were invading the capitol, had three people decided to join him and bang on the door together and gotten something and bankge through the door, there's no telling what would have happened. >> yeah, i think this came very