that's something i learned and miles is teaching and going through right now. one thing i will say, we're used to putting things in neat, tidy packages. you start with denial, anger, bargaining, depression, finally acceptance. what i learned is that's convenient for us doctors to be able to see things in a specific order. it's hardly ever how it really happens. it's sticky, messy, unruly at times. you may get to acceptance, go all the way back to denial again. some of that happened with miles. there's a real lesson in that for anybody who's ever grieved or suffered loss. it's messy and sticky and that's normal. >> it's messy and that's normal. important message out of it. >> miles has a hard time talking about this. we see him talking about aviation and other things. i was talking to him yesterday, it's really difficult for him. that's why this is such a remarkable hour to watch. the special airs tonight at 9:00 eastern right here on cnn. don't miss it.