>> actually, it wasn't. at the time i didn't know if i would do it. it had been running through my mind, but i didn't know if i really would do it or when or anything like that, but i had a lot of evil, violent murderous thoughts running through my mind constantly, but it was definitely a possibility i could do it soon, i just didn't know for sure, you know. >> but did your adoptive parents do you think have any real idea of what you were going through but for all these symptoms, in your head? you also take kaopectate. new kaopectate caplets -- soothing relief for all those symptoms. >> they didn't know really what kaopectate. one and done. was going on. they had a small idea that, you know, i was a troubled kid, and in someways they had kind of given up on me, especially in my high school years, but i used to i thank god i didn't have an ar-15 or some other type of ask my parents about my biological parents all the time assault weapon. and they would never tell me anything and this was of great frustration to me. because the way i was back then i always wanted to know who they were, what type of people they mentally, i would have gone to were, you know, anything, health the mall that night or to one of my old high schools the next