The security of the UK's telecom infrastructure and the sanctity of the beautiful game would seem to have little in common, but the same government officials preside over both in the oddly named Department for Culture, Media and Sport (DCMS). Previously lampooned as the Ministry of Fun, it is suddenly on a crusade to overthrow both telecom and soccer tycoons, all in the name of openness. If that principle looks impossible to uphold when policymakers are this interventionist, the government seems oblivious. Not since Galtieri invaded the Falklands has there been as much Conservative government outrage as when six of the UK's biggest soccer clubs this week said they would unite with foreign clubs such as Spain's Real Madrid in the breakaway European Super League (ESL). Conscious that soccer is the opium of the British people, and possibly the only thing between him and a vicious mob of publicans and small business owners angry about lockdown, Prime Minister Boris Johnson was apoplectic. "I'm going to do everything I can to give this ludicrous plan a straight red," he appealed to the masses in the Sun newspaper.