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Save this story for later. WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senator Mitch McConnell urged the nation’s largest corporations to follow his example and not get involved in governing the country. Speaking to reporters, the Senate Minority Leader said that he “could have easily used my position over the years to make the country a better place, but I have wisely resisted that temptation.” “Whether it was giving Americans affordable health care or passing stronger gun laws, I have been careful not to influence the government to accomplish things,” he said. “I wish corporations would ...

Greene said that the absence of a dome made the bill a “non-starter.”

Reeling off a list of the offensively long words in Biden’s speech, Trump singled out “hyperbole,” “administer,” and “effective.”

Save this story for later. ATLANTA (The Borowitz Report)—Republicans in the Georgia Senate passed a new bill that would allow some voting in certain situations. Senator Harland Dorrinson, who sponsored the bill, said that the legislation stopped short of other Republican proposals that would have banned voting altogether, but was still “a good step forward.” “Under this bill, voting in Georgia will be legal but rare,” he said. “This legislation will stop the runaway growth in voting.” Dorrinson said that the bill would prevent a repeat of what happened during the January runoffs...

Allegedly, the former President will hop over the White House fence and begin hiding brightly colored eggs on the South Lawn.