Page 7 - Cole Bert News Today : Breaking News, Live Updates & Top Stories | Vimarsana

Guy with case of spiced rum and a Swiss Army Knife can breech the perimeter. You know what im talking about . Right . Mr. Whiskers. I dont know anything about birds. [laughter] truth is until i sobered up, i thought he was a lemur. Point is this good break. I tuned out. I chilled out. What am i going to miss the a twoweek period, right . Its the summer. Crisis on our boarder. The immigration nightmare. The spy scandal explodes. Crisis in the middle east. Republicans just announcing plans to sue the president. Toxic bombshell. Tropical storm watches for the east coast. Terrorists with nuclear m...

( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) that's quite lovely. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. folks, you know, thank you. welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. thank you for that. you know what that prove os, you know what you just proved, that we do shower the people we love with love. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: folks, please, have a seat, folks. folks this is my last show before mother's day and i want to give a shout out to america's moms....

he's not gonna get some. we could always split it 50/50/50. do you even hear what you're saying? your gums are bleeding. hey, how'd it go? great, i just ratted you out. could i see you two boys for a minute, please? so you're not gonna get into any trouble at all? uh, no, not really. and since the mcpoyles are gonna plead guilty, i'm sort of off the hook completely. that's great. oh, i'm sorry, was he saying that the intervention worked? no, i don't think that's what he's saying. what are you talking about? it was the final push charlie needed. turns out three-quarters of a major not...

fork's butts. this is the cole bert report captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) that's quite lovely. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. folks, you know, thank you. welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. thank you for that. you know what that prove os, you know what you just proved, that we do shower the people we love with love. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: folks, please, have a seat, folks. folks this is ...

uh, timmy? yes, timmy. oh, dear. jimmy? yes? you know our policy. i'm afraid you're out of scouts. out of scouts? timmy. what? hey, wait a minute, this is crazy. you can't do this. wow, i never knew jimmy was gay. me neither. no, no! timmy! -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com captions paid for by mtv networks 2012, may 10th, 2012, from comedy central's world studios in new york this is the daily show with jon ste warts. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewar...