Page 47 - Comedy Central News Today : Breaking News, Live Updates & Top Stories | Vimarsana

[ cheers and applause jimmy oh, my goodness. Thank you very much. Hello. [ cheers and applause wow. Thats very nice thank you. Thank you very, very much. Please, please welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome to the tonight show. Youre here, you made it thank you for being here you look good. [ cheers and applause you guys, we got a great show. Jennifer garner is here tonight. [ cheers and applause steve oh jimmy Jim Jefferies is here [ cheers and applause and weve got music from Megan Thee Stallion. [ cheers and applause oh, my goodness. She is huge right now with her hit hot girl summer....

So, again, this is officer zenobia turner. If you would just call me back, i would appreciate that. Okay . Bye. Yall feeling that song we did, or nah . Its kinda delicate. Yeah. [bleep] it. Lets do a trap song. It was always gonna be a trap song. So, i fell asleep on the way home, and i rode past my exit, which is garfield. And i woke up downtown. But instead of going home, i just wanted to keep going, so i got back on the train, and i rode as far as i could. Then i started to get hangry, and there was this cute little restaurant nearby, and they had lobster rolls. So, you know i had to try on...

The taliban at camp david to discuss a peace agreement. And if youre wondering where we are as a nation, my first thought was, i dont know, ill believe it when i hear it from the taliban. [ laughter ] the Washington Post has published a new article calling former Vice President joe biden and senator Elizabeth Warren frenemies. Even crazier, they referred to john delaney and Michael Bennett as candidates. [ laughter ] President Trump told reporters today that he would release a report on his finances before the 2020 election. And said that people will be shocked that the numbers are many, many ...

[cheers and applause] you know if you go out and you want to buy groceries, you need a picture on a card. You need id. You go out and you want to buy anything you need id and you need your picture. [laughter] something tells me this guy has never been grocery shopping. Like ever. He probably tried it once, but the first thing you see when you walk in is the produce aisle so he just walked right back out. He was like, ew, vegetables. Gross. Oh, grosseries, i get it now. One day ill be president [sprightly music] if you have a windmill anywhere near your house, congratulations, your house just w...

And just so you know, we love corporations. Viacom, youre great. Keep doing what you do. Were really big fans here at the daily show, viacom. Mwah, love you. So the answer is obviously to hug these corporations close, and corporations are hugging right back google, kpmg, aetna, lyft not chickfila and here comes the true slay queen, walmart. [all cheering] is walmart gay . Walmart does take pride in their gay associates. As a company, i dont think you can label a company with a sexual orientation. Walmart seems like a top to me. Ii wouldi would agree with that. I think its amazing that so many ...