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Somebody better than anybody elses coffee. If it was so great, why dont you drink more of it . [laughter] anyway my point is ukraine descended to chaos. The the problems began when president yanukovych favored the union. A country split in two until demonstrators finalry called for president yanukovych to step down. Riot police and protesters clashed again in kievs independence square. Jon first thing im going to do when im a dictator, im going get rid of all these bleep squares. [ laughter ] nothinging good happens nothing good happens for dictators in squares. [laughter] you never hear about...

Ukraine, in thailand, and venezuela. I will get to all of those stories, as soon as i discuss this breaking news from the Huffington Post. Was your kid hitler in a past life . Its the kind of huffpo feature that leads to the question, will journalism exist in the future life . I have never believed in reincarnation. I dont know why. Maybe i was a skeptic in a past life. But this article offers incontrovertible antidote that your child may have had a past life, such is the story of a sixyearold boy who was able to translate the words of adolf hitler, even though none of his relatives knew germa...

Remember the moment do you remember the moment it was about six months ago when you found out that George Zimmerman was acquitted for the shooting murder of Trayvon Martin and you were drinking a glass of milk and did a spittake but it wasnt like a funny spittake it was just kind of a sad one. It was not like oh, my god it was just you couldnt swallow milk in a world where people can just shoot people in a fight that they themselves instigated. Well, guess what . You probably shouldnt take a sip of milk right now. The verdict in the michael dunn case. The jury did not convict him for killing t...

Tonight piers morgan gets into hot water, or as they call it in england, beer. Them theres good news coming out of iraq, and that news was immediately redeployed to afghanistan. And my guest brian green is launching a new web site dedicated to science education, but how do i get the baking soda and vinegar into my hard drive . Employers in spain are getting rid of daytime naps. Meanwhile, employers in america are getting rid of night time sleep. This is the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the report....

Stephen, stephen, stephen i love that sound, that is the sound of freedom. Happiness. Joy power nation, thank you so much for that greeting. cheers and applause welcome to the report. Good to have you with us. Nation, i am so glad, i am so glad to hear that you are happy because i used to be happy. But i learned something today that shook me to my core. And once my core is shaken, dont come a knocking. laughter heres the deal. Remember that one time i mentioned in passing that obama is plotting to radically alter the founders vision for america . He is ben frj lynn would be horrified by obamac...