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[ laughter ] but for the record, i'm betting -- i know what who is going to win because the key to winning one of these debates is to lower expectations about your speaking skills. and biden's been doing that for four years. [ laughter ] plus he's gonna win. because the liberal media fix is in. >> critics raising concerns about the moderator in tomorrow's vice-presidential clear political bias. it turns out president obama attended abc correspondent martha raddatz first wedding back in 1991. this thing goes deep, folks. [ laughter ] 21 years ago barack obama attended debate moderator...

( cheers and applause ) holy cow. wow. [cheers and applause] ladies and gentlemen, unbelievable. you will not believe -- [crowd chanting stephen] oh, my gosh. thank you. [cheers and applause] welcome to the report, thank you for joining us. i don't -- folks -- i don't know if can tell with a just happened but i just got buried underneath an avalanche of love. [cheers and applause] a love-alanch, will you will. nation, tonight was the big vice presidential debate between joe biden and paul ryan in danville, kentucky. the whoop-ass in the blue grass, the bare-knucky in kentucky. [ laug...

rest of the world behind. yeah. that's kinda the point. [ laughter ] scientists have found a turtle that pees through its mouth. or has a penis that looks like a face. [ laughter ] this is "the colbert report." [ captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) holy cow. wow. [cheers and applause] ladies and gentlemen, unbelievable. you will not believe -- [crowd chanting stephen] oh, my gosh. thank you. [cheers and applause] welcome to the report, thank you for joining us. i don't -- folks -- i don't know if can tell with a just happened but i ju...

>> jon: that's our show. here it is your moment of zen. >> there are happy crew members in the international space station this morning. listen, people may not know you >> stephen: tonight, an october surprise that could bring down obama. and a rocktober surprise that could bring jethro tull to your town! [ laughter ] then, it's autumn. don't forget to go outside and watch the beautiful changing of mitt romney's positions. [ laughter ] and my guest, chrystia freeland, says the wealthy are leaving the rest of the world behind. yeah. that's kinda the point. [ laughter ] scientists have...

could bring jethro tull to your town! [ laughter ] then, it's autumn. don't forget to go outside and watch the beautiful changing of mitt romney's positions. [ laughter ] and my guest, chrystia freeland, says the wealthy are leaving the rest of the world behind. yeah. that's kinda the point. [ laughter ] scientists have found a turtle that pees through its mouth. or has a penis that looks like a face. [ laughter ] this is "the colbert report." [ captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) holy cow. wow. [cheers and applause] ladies and gentle...