Murrow Barker News Today : Breaking News, Live Updates & Top Stories | Vimarsana

community. i mean, really. if he can get 2 million followers just be exploiting demi in her granny panties-- [audience groans, chuckles] that's a granny in granny panties. that's kind of redundant. that's more like demi's underwear. so showing demi is the key. got it. then showing a picture of her back in the '80s should really help our show's following. [audience oohs] oh, yes. i know, i know. it sheds twice a year. [laughter] please. i keep waiting for a camera crew to come running out of her pubes to tell me i'm on punk'd. [laughter] now, i know you at home can't see anything, but...

now inside this booth are slips of paper, each with the name of a white house scandal: i.r.s., a.p., benghazi, immortal scorpion soldiers. oh, it's coming out. and just moments from now, ladies and gentlemen, i will enter the booth and, like my colleagues, grasp wildly at any accusation that floats past. ten seconds... [ cheers and applause ] jimmy, ten seconds on the clock, please. jimmy. let's get ready to scandal. [ cheers and applause ] and tonight's scandal is benghazi. [ cheers and applause ] yes, benghazi. following the tragic attacks of eight months ago, benghazi and the rumo...

about who is liked by president bush. who is liked by president obama. let's all be captioning sponsored by comedy central ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] good to have you with us. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! [ cheers and applause ] >> stephen: oh, i love a zombie army. have a seat. nation, you know, folks, if you watch the news like i do, it seems like lately president obama cannot swing a dead cat without hitting some sort of scandal. which reminds me, what's he doing with all these dead cats? the challenge is, folks, ...

captioning sponsored by comedy central ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] good to have you with us. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! [ cheers and applause ] >> stephen: oh, i love a zombie army. have a seat. nation, you know, folks, if you watch the news like i do, it seems like lately president obama cannot swing a dead cat without hitting some sort of scandal. which reminds me, what's he doing with all these dead cats? the challenge is, folks, which one to cover. as always, i look to my journalistic heroes: cronkite, murrow, b...

they're gonna watch this show. you'd be surprised. really? the most expensive thing a client has ever gotten me is a house. i will ( bleep ) on anyone in this room right now for just a ranch in florida. ♪ oh man, this is kind of disappointing. this question is, "how many fingers am i holding up?" but i just, like, read, "how many fingers," and i was like, i've got this, i've got this. and i really did not mean to sound preachy about anal, like, i've just never-- a penis. have i had fingers up there? yes, i've been worn like a glove, trust me. ♪ everybody ( bleep ) me. guys, can y...