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Hey, cartman howre you feeling . Pretty good, except i had the weirdest dream last night. Really, what about . Well, i dreamed that i was a poor vietnamese girl, and you guys made me ride a big scary bull, and then Leonardo Dicaprio gave me a spank for several hours. Hey, how did you guys won those terrence and phillip dolls . Oh, nowhere. Ha, ha, ha. Wait a minute, you guys did make me ride that bull no, cartman, that was just a dream. Bye ming lee. Thanks again. Ha, ha, ha. Son of a bitch captioning made possible by Comedy Central from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, thi...

The fourth democratic president del bait ended just moments ago and we are coming to you live, people live right now were live dont believe me . Take a look at this newspaper. See that . Huh . Live laughter now, were going to talk about what happened in the debate, but if you watched, you know that this was not a normal debate. This thing was supersized. There were 12 candidates on stage, an alltime record, which is a little weird. Candidates arent supposed to multiply as the debates go on, so, please, america, remember to have your candidate spayed or neutered we cant handle any more laughter...

I love you right back. Have a seat and relax. Well put on a fun show for you. Hey, nice to see you guys. Welcome to the tonight show. Thank you for being here [ cheers and applause its sunday night [ cheers and applause i love you i love you yeah, i love you it is sunday night and we are here with a special nfl postgame tonight show. Thats right [ cheers ] and if you are drunk right now, either you tailgated all day or you play for the jets. Okay [ laughter ] tonights big game was between the chiefs and the colts of course, the chiefs are led by 24yearold mvp quarterback Patrick Mahomes. [ che...

Backfires, neil brennan explains how to take america back, and we find out which profession has the most sex. Lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets begin in the world of man on this running. Most just run so they can brag to their friends about running marathons. Though thats not why i run them. I do it for the tiny cups of water. Anyway, one man ran straight into the record books. In Vienna Austria a runner from kenya made history going the distance for two hours for the first time. 59 minutes and 40 seconds but it wont be counted as a new world record because it wasnt an official race. All...

I heard that you were the one responsible for making tad lose the race. Thanks. Yeah, well, he really flipped when he saw these. Uhhhgg. Start the reactor. Talking away i dont know what im to say ill say it anyway todays another day to find you from comedy centrals world news headquarters, this is the daily show with trevor noah cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show, everybody thank you so much for tuning in thank you for coming out wow lets do it lets make a show im trevor noah our guest tonight is a deejay and a producer from a Little Country called south africa, black coffee ...