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Sex Moves You Should Never Try To Copy From Porn

Porn, in all its hairless, vaguely consensual glory, gives everyday Americans an unrealistic view of how disgusting sexual intercourse really is. While you may think you look like the MILFs, naughty stepsons, or barely legal teens that you see on screen, never try to copy these moves from porn.

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Police Talk Man Down From Edge Of Climaxing

CLEVELAND—Rushing into action mere moments before the situation reached a point of no return, heroic police officer Samuel Esposito reportedly talked a man down Tuesday from the edge of climaxing. “Sir, before you do something drastic that we all regret, I’m asking you put down your penis and step away from the…

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Man Steps Out Of Comfort Zone By Flashing Penis In Crowded Restaurant

CINCINNATI—Admitting that he had an avoidant personality that often left him closed off to new possibilities, local man Stanley Fox reportedly stepped out of his comfort zone Friday by flashing his penis to diners at popular restaurant Harmon’s Dinette. “Certainly, I’m not the kind of guy who’d usually feel…

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Sensitive College Students Require Trigger Warning Before Seeing Professor's Penis

BOWLING GREEN, OH—Complaining about the “woke mind virus” that had taken over the campus, Bowling Green State University economics professor Gerard Admussen told reporters Monday that the overly sensitive college students require a trigger warning before seeing his penis. “Back in my day, seeing a teacher’s half-erect…

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New Twitter Homepage Features Photo Of Erect Penis That Is Impossible To Close Out Of

SAN FRANCISCO—In one of a slew of major changes to hit the social media site, owner Elon Musk confirmed Monday that the homepage for X, formerly known as Twitter, would now feature a photo of an erect penis that was impossible to close out of. “From an intuitive perspective, not having a hard, veiny cock on the…

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Gutfeld

who follows international chess. in addition, trans women are banned from competing in women's events eliminating the slight advantage of moving pawns with their giant hands. but don't cry dylan mulvaney, you'll always have beer pong. and a penis. now, they're making the change 'cause women's titles are considered less valuable than men's. so a so-called women grand master wouldn't be transferred to a general grand master, even though you would save award money by only paying her $0.07 on the dollar. >> a sexist would say! >> greg: see, see. now, i admit i don't know much about the fascinating and time-honored game of chess. although you should hear me yell you sank my battleship. but why are there men as and women's divisions at all. perhaps it's to prevent those tournaments from becoming orgies. but it's not like a physical sport whereby logical males have

Women , Chess , Advantage , Events , Addition , Hands , Pawns , Don-t-cry-dylan-mulvaney , Men , Titles , Grand-master , Wouldn-t

Jesse Watters Primetime

elementary school issue where a little girl was using the boy's bathroom but was going into these bathrooms and asking the other little boys in there to see their penis. this caused a lot of the young children to not want to use the bathroom because they were scared to. if we bring that up to a high school level where these kids are very hormonal and they are going to test the limits of what they can get away with. where does the line get drawn with sexual harassment? there is so much that can happen at an older age. it is sad. >> yeah, it is really sad we are putting all of our kids, the girls who are in danger, the boys who are in danger of being accused of sexual harassment because we are putting them in bathrooms with girls and creating these kinds of situations. and the fact that in new jersey starting in kindergarten they

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