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it s the late show with stephen colbert. tonight, stephen welcomes olivia wilde. eddie izzard. and misical guest nick cave and the bad seeds. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it s stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) stephen: hey, what s going on! hey, everybody! that s nice. ( cheers and applause ) what s up? welcome to the late show. thank you so much. have a seat. welcome to the late show. i m your host, stephen colbert. everyone out there i m sure you know everyone is talking about america s favorite new reality tv show, so you think you can testify about russia. today s contestant: attorney general and last surviving little rascal, jeff sessions. ( laughter ) i think he was spanky. i think he was spanky, wasn t he? jon: that was spanky. stephen: anyway, as soon as sessions sat down, everyone had the same question: it are you now, or have you ever hidden any pots of gold? ....
welcome. welcome, everybody. welcome to the late show. i m your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) ladies and gentlemen, before we get started, i just want to take a moment to talk about the attack today in alexandria. once again, we re all shocked in mind and soul by a mass shooting, this time targeting, apparently, republican congressmen. and i pray to god that everyone pulls through. violence of any kind is never justified and is the last refuge of the incompetent. thankfully, none of the members or their staff or police were killed today. and i will say this: even in the horror of this day, there was reason to take heart in bipartisan responses like this: we will use this occasion as one that brings us together, and not separates us further. we are united in our shock. we are united in our anguish. and an attack on one of us is an attack on all of us. stephen: so i just want to say thank you to the congressional leadership and to the president fo ....
welcome. welcome, everybody. welcome to the late show. i m your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) ladies and gentlemen, before we get started, i just want to take a moment to talk about the attack today in alexandria. once again, we re all shocked in mind and soul by a mass shooting, this time targeting, apparently, republican congressmen. and i pray to god that everyone pulls through. violence of any kind is never justified and is the last refuge of the incompetent. thankfully, none of the members or their staff or police were killed today. and i will say this: even in the horror of this day, there was reason to take heart in bipartisan responses like this: we will use this occasion as one that brings us together, and not separates us further. we are united in our shock. we are united in our anguish. and an attack on one of us is an attack on all of us. stephen: so i just want to say thank you to the congressional leadership and to the president fo ....
we ll protect you and your staff from all types of investigations including: treason. illegal arms sales. anything that ends in gate. and killing mufasa. i heard he slipped. so if you re a world leader, call us today. the only thing you ll be found guilty of is a great decision. we accept bitcoin, gold bouillon, and blood diamonds. announcer: it s the late show with stephen colbert! tonight, stephen welcomes: kevin spacey. terry crews. and rob huebel. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it s stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) stephen: whoo! hey! hey! you re sparkly. audience: stephen! stephen! stephen: hey, everybody, please, have a seat. you re too kind. welcome to the late show. i m your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) uh, donald thanks so much. donald trump may be out of the country, but he is still the toast of washington. or whatever reason he ....
batiste and stay human. and now live from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it s stephen colbert! stephen: whooo! (cheers and applause) whooo! thanks. good to see you! (cheers and applause) stephen, stephen! stephen: thank you so much. welcome to the late show, i m your host, stephen colbert. man, it is good to be back in the u.s.a. (cheers and applause) i don t know if you knew this, but i was in russia last week. you know who did know i was in russia? russian intelligence. (laughter) hard-core fans, evidently, followed me everywhere. also got some attention from american intelligence. a couple guys seemed to pop up wherever we went. you know, but it s important to keep your eye on a comedian while he is in russia, you know, doing jokes, you know, i could be over there, i could be giving state secrets to the russians. oh wait, somebody s already got that covered. my apologies. (cheers and applause). stephen: somebody s watching that guy, someone should ....