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COM The Colbert Report June 4, 2012

( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) applause ) stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! ( cheers and applause ) stephen: welcome to the report. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. good dahave you with us. nation, we ve got to come up with a commonsense solution to our poorest southern border. that s why i have long called for a 200,000-mile-long border wall made out of 10-foot-tall rotating razor blades that will slice illegals up like deli meat. and we need it now more than ever, folks, to keep out mexico s infamous drug cartel. i am not a fan. i say if you re going to push drugs, you can do not do it with violence. you do it with a man throwing a football through a tire swing to show how rigid his penis has become. ( laughter ) ( applause ) folks, there is one mexican cartel i grudgingly respect. it is mexico s ninth templar, who draw inspiration from the medieval christian warriors of the same name who muled franken sense filled. but ....

United States , New York , District Of Columbia , Don Pringle , Alan Alda , Michael Jackson ,

COM The Colbert Report May 31, 2012

jon: that s our show. here it captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh stephen: tonight, the u.n. makes a surprising announcement those translating headphones they re playing lynard skynard. ( laughter ). and my guest, alan alda, has challenged scientists to explain fire to an 11-year-old. that s easy try explaining an 11-year-old to fire. laugh facebook stock continues to plummet. people started selling once they found out their mom bought it, too. ( laughter ) this is the colbert report. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) applause ) stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! ( cheers and applause ) stephen: welcome to the report. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. good dahave you with us. nation, we ve got to come up with a commonsense solution to our poorest southern border. that s why i have long called for a 200,000-mile-long border wall made out o ....

United States , New York , Don Pringle , Alan Alda , Michael Jackson , Wgbh Stephen ,

COM The Colbert Report May 31, 2012

ever, folks, to keep out mexico s infamous drug cartel. i am not a fan. i say if you re going to push drugs, you can do not do it with violence. you do it with a man throwing a football through a tire swing to show how rigid his penis has become. ( laughter ) ( applause ) folks, there is one mexican cartel i grudgingly respect. it is mexico s ninth templar, who draw inspiration from the medieval christian warriors of the same name who muled franken sense filled. but down in mexico, these knights of the let s do coke off the roundtable have gone too far. doritos, cheetos, ruffles under attack by mexican drug cartels. the pepsico subsidiary distributes snack foods in mexico. stephen: mistakeo-grandy, mi harm manose. just because you run around rocket-propelled a.k., and leave coolers filled with severed heads outside the city hall but you just crossed bot wrong aisle of the supermarkets, muchachos. you are small patoit ses compared to the snack cartels who fry our ....

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WJLA ABC News Good Morning America April 25, 2012

after she spent the night in jail. inside the real-life war of the roses. perfect beauty. who is the most gorgeous girl in the world? we ll show you the face being called the most stunning natural beauty ever. what makes her so special? you be the judge. nice, bright sky to start our day here. good morning, everyone. we have breaking news as we come on the air. british detectives announcing this morning that madeleine mccann, the 4-year-old who vanished on a family vacation in 2007, may still be alive. police releasing a photo right there of what she would look like now almost 9 years old. they won t say why they think she s alive right now. and john edwards former aide andrew young, back on the stand today. he will be cross-examined by edwards attorneys today. what he has said has raised eyebrows. and get ready to laugh because we re reuniting the cast of in living color. the comedy gave us jim carrey, fly girl, jennifer lopez, and ali wentworth. a bi ....

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KGO ABC News Good Morning America April 25, 2012

who is the most gorgeous girl in the world? we ll show you the face being called the most stunning natural beauty ever. what makes her so special? you be the judge. nice, bright sky to start our day here. good morning, everyone. we have breaking news as we come on the air. british detectives announcing this morning that madeleine mccann, the 3-year-old who vanished on a family vacation in 2007, may still be alive. police releasing a photo right there of what she would look like now almost 9 years old. they won t say why they think she s alive right now. but they have 195 possible leads. we have a lot on that. and john edwards former aide andrew young, back on the stand today. boy, no one looks good in this case right now. he will be cross-examined by edwards attorneys today. what he has said has raised eyebrows. and get ready to laugh because we re reuniting the cast of in living color. the ground-breaking comedy, thank you very much, george. the comedy ga ....

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