>> i spewed out the party line during shows. i'm totally mortified now. there's something like look at namu. namu's not doing that because she has to. >> namu is doing this because she really wants to. oh, my gosh. some of the things i'm embarrassed by, so embarrassed by. >> at the time of think i could have convinced myself that the relationships that we had were build on something stronger than the fact that i'm giving them fish. you know, i like to think that. but i don't know that that's the truth. i had been there a while and i had seen a few other things along the way that made me question why i was there and what we were doing with these animals. >> on november 4th, 1988, a