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this is a test from god. so this is all the kind of stuff that's going on in their mind. and they're not even thinking about -- >> doesn't that seem like a disconnection from reality? >> it is a major disconnect from reality. i always refer to quiverful as being a very powerful head trip in which you get this vision and all of a sudden it's like putting on this huge filter. and everything that comes at you, every thought, has to be filtered through and channeled through this idea of biblical principles what does god want, what does god say, what principles can we glean from the bible that will apply to the situation. >> why did you leave? >> it's a very unsustainable lifestyle. i mean, i didn't have 19 children i had 7. but it takes a lot out of a woman. it takes a lot out of the children. particularly the older children who, you know, a mom -- one mom cannot deal with all those kids. especially if she's, you know, she's having baby after baby so she doesn't have a chance to recover her health. she's got, you know, just mounds