much time and experience with someone and we're good. but those same tools that we use to make sense of that information over 50 years, betray us when we meet someone for the first time. that's a huge by important over looked fact. >> somebody has done a mass shooting or killed somebody or done something extreme. neighbors and friends always say he's not the kind of person e thought would do that. or dies by suicide. i never thought this person would do that. is that because we don't really the way people present themselves all the things we think we can read, we really can't. >> the transparency problem. i did this fun thing in the book where i took an episode of friends. and i gave it to a psychologist an expert in cataloging human