i would love seeing him. i was just fascinated with his every move and question what he was doing and saying. but i could also see that he was becoming more distant. he was becoming less mine. he was becoming something of a stranger. >> it was just -- it was a sad situation. from just my observation. but you don't talk about that. that's one thing you don't do. after visitation day, you don't go back and talk about it. after visitation day, i've seen grown men cry like babies. i mean, two or three-time convicted murderers after a visit go back and hide in their cell and cry. >> i spent a good number of years plotting the early demise of a number of people that i