home tonight. happy new year, i'll see you back here tomorrow, four o'clock eastern with julie banderas and remember, shep's always online. remember, shep's always online. foxnews.com/shep. captioned by closed captioning services, inc. >> theo riley factor is on tonight. the holiday season, the miller time special. >> barney could literally be come dressed in the barney outfit to congress. on what planet could you spend your time. >> a tribute to helen thomas, and hotdogs? >> i know they're crap, that's what i dig about them. >> hot dog. >> who is the weiner here? >> and also find out how miller really feels about speaker pelosi. >> they got a new great hide away, empty space with thick walls, it's inside pelosi's head. this guy use as prompter when he's taking an eye chart test. >> and plus, dennis miller tackles president obama and his entire administration. caution, you are about to enter the no spin zone. the factor begins right now. hi, i'm bill o'reilly, thanks for watching us tonight. we present a special miller time edition of the factor, ooh, very scary. for the next hour, one of the best moments from dennis and of course, me, your humble correspondent. we begin this evening with dennis' thoughts on our pal barney frank and a fiery town hall meeting. >> you want us to trust you with health care? >> no, i didn't say that. >> sir. >> i didn't say that. >> let me finish my question. >> but, correct me, i never said i wanted you to trust me, i guarantee you that. >> now, bar any, that was a feisty, feisty meeting, a couple of plants in there, a couple of la rush people giving him a hard time. what do you say. >> you talk about let them eat cake. barney frank makes marine and trois net look like a store front lawyer doing pro bono work. the ingreats are running the asylum and the people have got to stop showing up on both sides of these things, with hitler side and unless somebody has actively croaked 6 million of their fellow human beings, we've got to stop throwing this hitler thing around, it's a bad discard. here is my theory on barney, i think that barney has to feel intellectually superior to people because there's more primal self is mortified. he finally becomes a u.s. congressman and falls for the braun any paper towel kid. and he goes out like this, i think he likes to feel intellectually superior and i tell you what, he's pretty good about it. and maybe sort of like frederick meechham meets liberace. barney is a guy who has an attitude and the attitude is, he's always right and if you don't know it, you're an idiot. >> edition it, he loves it. >> he loves it. >> he loves the battle there's no doubt. >> he's in such a wired district, barney could literally come dressed in the barney dinosaur outfit to congress and nobody would care. >> on what planet do you spend most of your time. 's going to get voted in. he knows he can throw his weight around. >> all right, bill clinton, north korea, you say what? >> this is a great story. good for clinton for going over there, 'cause that's a crazy land over there. by the way, you know when somebody's crazy you now how you know kim jong-il is crazy, when he's not rich and does the main room of the inside of the palace, green astroturf. what is with the green carpet. you're rich. clinton was class and took the bumper sticking, and said if the plane is arocking, don't come aknocking, i admire him for it. >> some say former u.n. ambassador bolten, if you're going to do this and legitimize the dictator who cap toured these women they're going to keep doing it and he is can late it, what say you to that? >> i don't think anybody can judge it, you know what i mean, accurately, the terrorists, the families, the girls, it's easy to say that, but at some point you're missing the point. he can get your kid home. >> i agree. >> the only person who feels bad in this whole thing is biden. >> oh, right. because they got him playing freighto. >> and i'm smacked and i want the specks. >> and sending him to the back yard because he can open a beer bottle with his teeth and clinton gets to go over and play errol flynn. >> i don't see anybody having a beef with this other than biden. >> cash for clunkers, now, it looks like it worked, it looks like the american auto industry got a little bump from this and what do you think? >> well, the foreign auto industry got a little bump. i think four of the top five cars were foreign model. listen, it's just, i guess i'm happy, it seems a little low rent to me. the shining city on the hill is now turned into fred sanford's front yard ♪ >> i mean, we might as well put the whole country up on blocks at this point. i guess it's part of the bureaucracy, but you know, in philly a guy is driving a $3500 car around and you put him into a $45,000 car, the mortgage crisis reduction coming six months down the road. why don't you let the guy keep the $4500 in his taxes so we don't have to watch him saddle up and get this handout from the auto thing and judge him harshly. >> yeah, i knew the cash for clunkers thing was in trouble when i saw jed clampett and granny drive up ♪ listen to a story about a man named jed ♪ . >> this seemed low rent to me. anything that helps, but really, it seems like too selective. there's a lot of industries in trouble. >> i like the fred sanford line though. we should put all of these cars out in front of the white house. and with martin wilson sticking out doo, doo, doo. >> i want to provide everyone with a few brief updates on some of the channels we're dealing with right now. >> don't you think that it really isn't a press conference anymore, that it's just an excuse to get free air time from the networks? i mean, we'll give barack obama free air time anytime he wants, that's what we do on cable news, he's the president. they reemptied i think a special on nbc where alec baldwin meets sean penn and they give away money to poor people or something. >> abc presents alec baldwin and sean penn give away money to poor people for something. >> they preempted that and the press is there, but like little props. >> first a point in history a chick running for miss usa gets harder questions than the president of the united states and i don't know what he's thinking the enchanted question. >> the first one hundred days what has surprised you the most about this office and enchanted you the most. let me write this down. >> it was like i was watching a brownie scout meet the jonas brothers for god's sakes. i guess's back tt times building now, sitting there around the fondue with the guys putting their bread into the fondue pot. >> and colmes is there, too. i don't know what his deal over, what's with the anal retentive need on closure of war against people. >> the battle of witt and strategy. >> i know he's already there, probably down in the west village in his l-shaped studio padding around with his feety jammies checking expiration dates on the yoplait in the fridge. if you want that assurety write the rule books for parker brothers. i thought helen looked beautiful. the light bulbs beyoond barack obama were not green. waste asked to put the special touch on it. and looks like barack obama is letting it go a little bit. we know it's halloween and hillary was in the billing. i thought that was cruel. >> actually why i'm here is very important business, i'm coming in to do some last second lobbying to try to get the macy's people to put bill o'reilly balloon that i've designed for this year's parade and get this, you protect the underdog balloon. >> there's no need to fear, underdog is here. >> i love that. >> you're the underdog balloon. >> for the mayce's thanksgiving day parade. >> that's right. >> the factor balloon. >> and there. >> protecting the underdog. >> i like the miller balloon, too. you have some kind of fixation with paula abdul. now, paula's leaving american idol. don't know if that's the greatest career move. >> she'll land on her feet. no doubt she'll end up on another number one ranked show where she can show up two days a week a little loaded for ten million a year, that's not fair, billy. the down side to the north korea story, we have the trade paula to north korea for the two chicks because you know, kim jong-il fancies himself a broadway singer ♪ give my regards to broadway . >> they say she's the only judge sympathetic enough to tell him he has a future. >> you're one of the kind. >> that's how we got the girls out of there. we trade paula to pyongyang. >> you never know what lives anybody. >> it's an mcchain stevenson hello larry move. >> i remember valerie harper had rota and another show called valerie. it was called valerie for god's sake ♪ >> she asked for too much money the next week i'm watching valerie, sandy duncan is playing valerie. you know, at some point you've got to tuck your ego away and take the chuck and thank god you've got a lucky life. it's cold out there if i quibble with you too much, next week it's penelope ann miller time. >> i feel ridiculous! >> all right, i get it. >> is she available? >> coming up, miller sounds off on north korean dictator kim jong-il and press secretary robert gibbs. >> i'm watching the daily press conference, an eye patch, a bird on his shoulder and somali want a cracker. >> and next what does think about the nominated milk? be very afraid. >> continuing now with the factor's miller time special as dennis and i dissect american idol. >> chris allen. >> do you care that at&t slipped up a little bit and more people voted for one guy than the other guy, do you care at all? i don't care. >> do i care. >> bill: yes. >> listen, obviously, there are bigger things to come. we've got the demented chia head guy that stepped up from the daisy rifle to the big port bela. maybe we ought to turn it over to up on the house of representative, ratatouille who seems to be the commissar of the inconsequential and let him hold hearings. >> bill: i know what we can do to disarm korea, give him a reality show. >> i think that would work, billy that's brilliant and get them when they're marching, they've got the weird rocket march, we perfect a groin laser and fire a beam down and sever the groins out on the plant leg and flapping around like a broken window shade and bam we're in on them and the dogs are on the menu so long looking to get up and out. and we're in that meeting we were not told, in fact we were told that water boarding was not being used. >> bill: i don't believe obama likes her, nancy pelosi, i'm getting the vibe on the leon pa netta thing. you know that leon would not have issued that release to the cia without telling obama. >> ooh, ooh, witchy woman. pelosi is a train wreck. there's blood in the water on her and i hope they bring in cue so's kids to document it. if you thought the eyes twitched in the past, watch her during the next couple of weeks, a hummingbird in time travel. she's not getting out of there. but if she makes one more mistake like that, they'll drag her out of there. >> she's not going to make a mistake, a gaffe a second and i don't know if he dislikes her. i do know he's embarrassed by her. this guy is ready to stroll into history for all time and he's got this shrieking hairdan mag pie. >> bill: and calling about the pirates. >> yo ho, ho, it's the end of life for me. i think they shot him simultaneously all about spreading the wealth. if you shoot them in descending order, two pirates are standing there, wait a second, wasn't i good enough to blast first. they blasted them simultaneously and barack showing his human side. we're throwing the word pirate around now and won't say terrorist. i'm looking at the daily press conference, an eye patch, a bird on his shoulder, screaming somali want a cracker and screaming terrorist, terrorist, something had to give i'm glad it was their skulls. >> bill: now, you live in a very, very troubled state, a beautiful state, but you're now paying the highest sales tax in the country, california. every time you turn around, you've got another tax being leafied on you. the state may go bankrupt because of the entitlements, the pensions the disabilities, the health care on and on on. is that unfair to you, dennis miller? >> it's unfair up to the point that i stay here. you know, i've discussed this. i have a contingency plan, there's a part i won't go beyond and it's not about greed, it's about some crazy thing in my head that i'd like to keep a buck for every buck i give away to strangers. it gets much beyond that and i'm going to split the state and i've heard trump is going to split new york and you know, i think it's getting to that point now where you've got to-- listen, i love to help the helpless, i don't care about the clueless, we're helping too many of the clueless these days and start to go bug me. >> bill: a good line. >> you don't get credit for it. now we've got janet napolitano coming out and talking about the right wing con spirists, if you're going to hover over me, get rid of the hair cut. >> bill: i'm picturing frank and napolitano and it's just not working for. >> i love it when you loose control. >> bill: the white house says obama was not bowing before the king of saudi arabia, he was reaching down. >> as far as that gesture, you might go back to the previous democratic administration with bill clinton because i'm sure he had an accurate phrase for that gesture that just happened there. listen, i like gates, the way we're handling iraq, which is staying in like bush would, i like him going to the mat in afghanistan. but we've got to quit apologizing to every b-lister in a leopard skin fez and a doorman's outfit from the plaza hotel. america is a great country and we need not constantly chide ourselves. they're the ones who whipped themselves on the back, not us. >> bill: okay. now, the white house says it wasn't a bow and you're saying what? >> i don't want to get thoo that what is this? >> it depends upon what the meaning of the word "is" is. >> a guy came up to a guy dressed like sergeant billco in a sketch and bent over at the hips. whatever you want to call it, it's weird. if he's going to bow for this, why doesn't he bow for the queen, for god's sake. >> bill: president obama going to denmark tomorrow, four hours over there, his wife is there, travelling to chicago. good thing, bad thing? >> as far as barack going, i don't have any trouble, i think i remember harry truman pulled the pin on the grenade via wireless and i am i assume he can do it on air force one or oprah's plane i don't know which one, oprah's a nicer. if they don't award this olympics to chicago and thus to president obama, get ready to be deemed racist, that is the-- that is the mood. >> bill: so you agree with me, if he gets the olympics for chicago, it's a good thing, it's good for america, he's popular overseas and get on the television and do whatever he wants. no harm. >> i think it'd be great in chicago when you think about it. blago could be the mascot, he looks kind of cartoonist-- hey, kids, want a job in the senate? and they could bring the incendiary device in and we could have reverend wright do the invocation and i think the thing is pre-made. >> not god bless america, god damn america. >> bill: you know, that would liven up the crowd. that would make bob costas' head whip back. >> i don't believe it. >> bill: there you go. >> that would make sports center. >> bill: and you know, you could throw out the first pitch. >> just a bit outside. if you practice a little bit. >> yeah. >> oh, you'll never let me-- >> never, miller, you'll never live at that down. more ahead as the factor moves along as miller gives his thoughts on my interview with barney frank. the factor and miller time will be right bab. . >> continuing now with the o'reilly factor's miller time special. what does miller think about my interviews with congressman barney frank? here is goes. i have a bunch of very simple questions because as now i'm a very simple man. >> miller, i hate to say this, i don't think barney frank likes me. i don't think so. >> oh, yes, oh yes. >> i said it wasn't a good investment. >> now, barney started off truculent. >> truculent is an adjective, and belligerent. >> bill: love that, but in the end, you know, it was almost like he was-- we were not pals, but there was some civility to it, right? >> you know, billy, if i'm going to row the boat across the river to the-- i don't want to see them start flinging cream pies. >> i'm going to get a bang out this have one. >> that got lovy dovy, did i say you two might go camping together, if you do, i want you to-- if you do, i want you to invite cheney and i 'cause i'm going to be laughing so hard. cheney is going to have to shoot me in the head to put me down. >> bill: that was a little sarcasm there. as the sultan of sarcasm you can recognize the fact that i gave little jab. now, to pay for the enormity of the health care plan, one of the things that was floated, miller, is a so-called botox tax where people getting unnecessary plastic surgery would have to pay an sur charge to fund necessary medical things. frown for me. you say what? >> listen, i don't want biden and pelosi making calls on plastic surgery 'cause you look at her, if she was pulled any tighter she'd be an unopened bruns swagger tube. he looks like his head was attacked by the squid in the jules vern novel. i have 2500 plus, i have 2500 hair plugs here, you look at them. these were private industry, state of the art plugs, you couldn't tell if i didn't tell you and then look the biden's plug, who do you want making the call on your plugs, biden wouldn't pass for a ken doll. >> hey, joe, what are you doing? >> you are intimating that both mrs. pelosi and the vice-president have had cosmetic surgery? >> no, no, she's just in a perpetual 24/7 wind tunnel. >> bill: on your radio program you've had a lot of calls on the fox news white house brouhaha, so what's the concensus? >> i don't know about them, but i have a feeling there's a sign on barack obama's desk that says the buck starts here. and i love the fact that every week he trundles out axlerod and emanuel like tweedle done and tweedle rob and they go out there and they tweak the nerves i guess and he's like the jock who hangs the rest of us up in our locker with a nuclear wedgy. what's next a position paper on who is hotter betty or veronica, they're acting like little kids. at some point when people say doesn't this remind you of the kennedy presidency? i say you've got the decade right. i look at axlerod and rahm emanuel might as well as wear a brush cut like hr haldeman and erlichman. you remember that guy who used to flip him on a little. hey batter, batter, swing batter. >> bill: so what you're saying is that the pitcher's on the mound and you're going hey, you're a bum. hey, you're a-- and the pitcher is looking at you and breaking concentration and throws a ball and hit over the fence. that's barack obama and any kind of criticism he reacts personally to? >> it's more than that. you have to step up to the dugout and you have to say, each of your pitches is the greatest pitch i've ever seen in my life or he gets rattled. >> bill: let's talk about pin etta and cheney. almost as if he's wishing that his country would be attacked again. >> well, look, i quote the great philosopher david lee roth, the bridge on panama. i think we're all running a little hot right now and i think we should all kind of maybe take a week off and ignore each other. let's face facts, in a 24/7 news cycle, all of us who are in that cycle are going to say something. you know? i don't think that panetta thinks cheney wants the country blown up. if you look at it, it looks like everybody is inferring something. >> bill: today i had two hebrew national hotdogs. >> nice. >> bill: they were delicious, they were the best, but i go home and then the c