what are you going as? the problem with that is, little kids change their minds every 11 seconds. you can order a paw patrol costume and then she wants to go as mcstuffins. i have two older kids so i know this. but my wife didn't. so the other day she asked our daughter jane, what do you want to be? and she said i don't want to be a princess for halloween. i want to be wonder woman. i need a cape. now first of all, no one ever mentioned being a princess. i have no idea where she got that. and even though he wonder woman does not wear a cape, we were excited. because you know, wonder woman is tough. we ordered the costume on amazon and four seconds later it arrives at our house. [ laughter ] we open the box and you know, we showed it to her. here's your wonder woman costume. do you want to try it on? she said no, i don't wonder. i'm not wonder woman. i'm jane. i don't wonder. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] now we're wondering what the hell we're going to do for a costume. my older daughter katie, when she was about 7, she went as a door for halloween. i made her a door costume with a knob and everything. the neighbors would open the door and see another door. [ laughter ] that was a good costume. meanwhile in other toddler news, president trump continues to -- [ laughter ] -- to feud publicly with his own secretary of state. last week we learned that rex tillerson, secretary of state, referred to trump as a quote f'ing moron behind his back. trump tweeted the story was false. clearly this is still eating at the president. this morning in a new interview with "forbes" magazine they asked him about it. he said, i think it's fake news, but if he did that i guess we'll have to compare iq tests, and i can tell you who's going to rin." rex tillerson, right? [ applause ] it has to be him. no intelligent person would get into an i.q. contest with his own secretary of state, right? just that rules you out right there. at this point i'm not sure donald trump could finish the maze on the back of a denny's kids menu. [ laughter ] do you think he's ever even taken an i.q. test? i would definitely order pay per view, i'd pay $100 to watch rex tillerson and donald trump take iq tests against each other. [ laughter ] make no mistake. and i guarantee the next day, kellyanne conway would be saying that iq tests are like golf, the lower the number the better the score. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it's just one of many battles. the nfl, trump is fighting with bob corker, the republican senator. today he tweeted the failing "new york times" set little bob corker up by recording his conversation was made to sound a fool and that's what i am dealing with. all right, listen. if you don't know how to spell little, don't start an i.q. battle with anybody. [ laughter ] trump and rex tillerson had lunch today which i'm sure was a lot of fun. you have to cut the president some slack. he is very smart. the reason i know this is because he says it over and over again. >> is donald trump an intellectual? trust me. i'm like a smart person. number one. i'm not stupid. i can tell you that right now. just the opposite. and i was a good student. i understand things. i comprehend very well. okay? better than, i think, almost anybody. i'm a very smart person. i went to the best school. i went to an ivy league school. i am very highly educated. i know words. i had the best words. putin did call me a genius. people say i'm the super genius of all time. the super genius of all time. i'm really smart. i'm smart. i'm like a smart person. i'm like a really smart person. i'm a smart person. i'm a big thinker. i'm a man of great common sense. i'm one of the smartest people anywhere in the world. >> jimmy: and also one of the most humble people in all the world. [ laughter ] [ applause ] somebody please tell him he's smart already. this is an unsettling and terrifying item. a company in london, a broadband company worked with an evolutionary biologist to figure out what the human hand would look like if it evolved around a smartphone. in other words, what if our hands adapt to make it easier to text and whatnot. this is what they came up with. the human hand. can you imagine hitchhiking with that hand? [ laughter ] a pointy index finger for better navigation, pads on the middle and ring finger forth grip, a crooked thumb and pinky, and an indented palm so the phone can rest on it. the least believable thing is the smartwatch. nobody would be wearing those in the future. i feel like our hands should at least be fatter, right? and by the way -- if after all these years, men's hands still haven't adapt to masturbation, i don't think the smartphone will get there first. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] we have a strong show tonight with vance joy and whitney cummings, and thor himself chris hemsworth is here. [ cheers and applause ] gee mario. it's very special, in honor of thor being here guillermo got hammered before the show, is that right? >> guillermo: that's right, yeah. >> jimmy: the premiere for "thor crash ragnarok" is right across the street tonight. we have an exclusive clip from the movie to show you. it is a big day for nerds. last night during monday night football, a new trailer for the new "star wars" movie was released. and they even had storm troopers on the field. at first i thought the president sent them in to crack down on the protests. [ laughter ] but it turned out it was just corporate synergy, so we dodged a laser there. they did this in an interesting way. tickets for "star wars" went on sale right after the trailer finished. and unfortunately, if you didn't get them last night, you're too late. it is completely sold out forever. you'll have to wait to see it on tbs or something. the new movie is called "star wars: the last jedi." it is not technically a sequel. "rogue one: a star wars story." that was a prequel to "star wars: a new hope." the last jedi is a sequel to the "the force awakens" which its is a sequel to -- oh, you don't care? [ laughter ] anyway, the new trailer has lots of action. the thing everybody seems to be going nuts over are the porgs. have you seen the porgs? these are cute little creatures that live on the island luke skywalker has been hiding on and they're the toy we'll be beating other people over the head for at target this christmas. [ laughter ] in the trailer, you couldn't make out what the porg was saying. but because disney owns abc, we were able to get the enhanced audio and i think you're going to like it. >> yeah, boy! >> jimmy: that's right. that's the porg. p-o-r-g. how they come up with these names, i don't know. i'm sure "porg" will become part of our lives like ewok and kanye and wookiee and all those. this is a huge phenomenon online. we went on the street today one night after the trailer premiere and asked people, have you looked at porg? >> do you look at porg? >> no. >> you're sure? >> okay, yes. >> what kind of porg have you watched? >> mixed. >> do you remember the first time you saw porg? >> no, i don't. it was so long ago. you remember. >> how old were you the first time you saw porg? >> if i had to recall, i was probably 12. >> have you ever cleared your browsing history to make it look like you weren't watching porg? >> yes. >> what kind of genres of porg do you like? >> hot guys in general. >> what was the porg you watched this morning? >> you know, black women, you know, sometimes a little bbw, depending what i have for breakfast, you know. >> how many times a week would you say you look at porg? >> three or four times. >> have you ever watched porg? >> yes, i have, once or twice. >> i feel like i'll watching it right now. >> you do? okay. in 3d? >> actually, my friend in high school was in porno. besides that, no. >> what was her porg about? >> she did it for $500 because she likes sex and she loves money. that's the only porno i've ever seen. >> how does sex and money have to do with porg? >> because you have sex for money. >> wait, porg has sex for money? >> pork? >> porg. what are you talking about? >> ha ha. [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: so it's popular. very popular. one thing i want to mention. frank sinatra's former manager, a gentleman named elliott weissman, just wrote a back called "the way it was: my life with frank sinatra." in it he tells a story of the heated exchange frank sinatra had in 1990 with a casino owner named donald trump. the story goes weissman was working on a deal for sinatra to do 12 shows to open trump's casino, the taj mahal in atlantic city. one of trump's employees this guy weissman was working with died in a helicopter crash. since the deal hadn't been finalized yet, trump brought weissman back in to try to renegotiate the terms, to try to pay sinatra less than agreed upon. when frank heard the new lower offer, wiseman said he told trump to go f himself and even offered his personal phone number in case trump wanted to hear that directly from him. it's amazing. people are rising from the dead to curse at donald trump. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i don't know if the story is true but it does come from a reliable source. if only there was a way to verify whether or not this really happened. like if there was some sort of -- ♪ doobie doobie >> jimmy: whoa! >> jimbo! are you looking for me? i'm ready to ring a ding ding baby! >> jimmy: the ghost of frank sinatra. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. thank you very much. thank you. >> jimmy: wow. >> you're damn right. you tell me what do you need, jimbo? i'm busy banging ghost broads. >> jimmy: i wanted to ask you about the story of donald trump. >> oh, that guy. he is a doobie doobie douche bag. >> jimmy: is it true you told him to go f himself? >> i sure did. and i was just getting started. >> jimmy: really what else did you tell him? >> what else did i tell him? allow me to elaucidaelucidate, . i said to him -- ♪ [ bleep ] you to the moon i'll stick my boot right up your ass ♪ ♪ grab you by the [ bleep ] you pumpkin with no class ♪ ♪ in other words kiss my balls ♪ in other words you're a loser ♪ ♪ [ bleep ] you to the moon i'd like to sock you in the snout ♪ ♪ if you were on fire i wouldn't pee to put you out ♪ ♪ in other words you're a chump ♪ ♪ in other words f-u trump go with my pal louis armstrong! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ in other words you're doggy doo ♪ ♪ in other words [ bleep ] you ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah, [ bleep ] you, donald trump! >> jimmy: frank sinatra and louis armstrong! i never thought donald trump could be so topical. there they go, right back up to heaven, how about that. we're going to take a break. chris hems worth is here when we come back, we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ man: proper etiquette is essential for every social occasion. so the the broom said, "sorry i'm late. i over-swept." 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[♪ ].. [♪ ] hurry in to old navy and get forty percent off your entire purchase or fifty percent off when you use or open an old navy card through sunday at old navy. >> jimmy: hello and welcome back to the show. tonight, a very funny woman and author of this new book called "i'm fine and other lies" whitney cummings is here with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and here we go. this is his latest single. a big single. it seems unnecessary that a single would be this big, doesn't it? [ laughter ] the song's called "lay it on me." vance joy from the mercedes-benz stage. [ cheers and applause ] really long. a very long song. tomorrow night our guests are rene zellweger, mark maran. we'll have music from sir rosevelt. next week we'll be in brooklyn, new york, for a full week of shows from brooklyn academy of music. sadly we have no tickets left. we had 10,000 tickets, 2,000 each night, and more than 100,000 ticket requests. if you do have tickets, our guests will be amy schumer, howard stern, david letterman, tracy morgan, woody harrelson, arnold schwarzenegger will be with us, billy joel will be with us, cardi b, lcd sound system, and more. so please join us for all those shows next week. our first guest is the god of thunder down under who you can battle alongside his buddy the hulk in "thor: ragnarok" which opens in theaters across all nine realms on november 3rd. please welcome chris hemsworth! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how's it going? i like this suit. very hulk. homage to hulk. >> i love it. >> jimmy: it's the hulling and loki combined. >> or the riddler. >> jimmy: old-school riddler. >> i have a riddler audition after this. >> jimmy: are you allowed as a marvel hero to even consider being part of the dc universe? >> it depends on the cost. >> jimmy: it depends how much they pay you, so the answer is yes. by the way, i saw the movie last night. this might be the best marvel movie of all of them. >> oh, thank you. >> jimmy: i don't know how they keep doing it. it's unbelievable. >> it's our director. >> jimmy: he did such a great job with this movie. >> yeah. we all had i think the same sort of wanton need and passion to change this up in a big way. i remember meeting with him early in the process and he said, let's just break everything we know. and destroy it and rebuild it. >> jimmy: like the hotel room? [ laughter ] >> first the hotel room. then the set. and then the character. and then every day was about exploring the unknown and trying something different. i got pretty bored of myself as that character. and so did he. maybe a few people out there. so we thought, let's do something different. and every day was improvised and a journey. >> jimmy: was thor getting a haircut part of that conversation? >> it was. partly due to i didn't want to spend two hours a day putting hair and a wig on. >> jimmy: you also shot it in australia. was that planned in advance or you said hey, i live in australia. you now need to bring the movie to my house. [ laughter ] >> a little of that. i felt like i had done my time. i had done five films with marvel at that point. i called up kevin. and i heard that robert downey had pushed the film to locations that he wanted to be in and i said, maybe this is my opportunity. and i said, you know. we've got this little country, australia. which has got this great crew and cast available. maybe we can shoot there. they were receptive and we ended up shooting there. >> jimmy: how far were you from where you live? >> about 45 minutes. >> jimmy: very nice. >> very manipulative. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: maybe run home for a vegemite sandwich and come home to work. >> vegemite, same pillow, same bed, it was a great experience. >> jimmy: do your kids get excited about the fact daddy is thor? >> one of them. i have three. >> jimmy: okay. >> so one out of three is good for me. one of the things that is really cool, and i come home from work. papa, did you fight monsters at work? i say, yeah. doing press all day. plenty of monsters. [ laughter ] and the other two are on the fence. they're like, ah, whatever. whatever. >> jimmy: is there a dressing up as thor for halloween or anything? do you push that? >> i try to push it, definitely. >> jimmy: sure, yeah. i feel like after the movie comes out, they're going to want to. >> i hope so. i want them to see this one. >> jimmy: well, sure. >> it's dad having more fun than he's had before. >> jimmy: i think you brought your whole cast here with you. right? isn't that -- who did you bring with you? >> backstage? >> jimmy: yeah. >> there's a few of them. we've got our director. >> jimmy: the director, yeah. >> mark ruffalo. >> jimmy: mark ruffalo, who plays the hulk. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the hulk is beautiful in this version. >> the best version of the hulk you've seen. >> jimmy: by far the best version. and i liked the previous versions. not all of them. you know what i'm saying. sometimes the hulk can be too fake looking. >> it can. and then the technology's advanced. and ty said, don't do what we've done before. mark on many occasions looked at me and said, are we wrecking this film? >> jimmy: i think we have a camera backstage. let's see if mark is there. [ cheers and applause ] hey, mark, how are you doing? mark, you're a great hulk. i love this hulk. this is a beautiful hulk you've put together. >> thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: it's weird to see you in clothes. usually you're make and ripped. >> i know, it's strange. i have a loincloth. >> jimmy: you do. so you guys must be pals. for mark to come along with you. this is like work for mark. >> oh, yeah. we're close. and i'm actually -- >> jimmy: hold on a second. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: no, no, no, no. hold on a second. let me talk to tyka. get the camera away from that side -- >> that director, tyka. >> jimmy: how are you doing? you did a great job on this movie. >> thank you, jimmy, this is a real dream come true to sit in the green room. >> jimmy: i'm sorry about the interruption there. i did want to say -- okay. [ cheers and applause ] no. it's the mighty thor, not the mighty bore, maybe take a walk. i'm so sorry. he's not supposed to go into the guests' rooms, he has his own area he's supposed to stay in. >> he has his ax in here. >> jimmy: yeah, it was great making this movie. we had a lot of fun. it was only 16 hours away from my house. >> jimmy: oh, that's nice. >> you know, it was good. >> jimmy: is there a rivalry between people from new zealand, as you are, and people from australia? >> yeah. sadly, there is. it's been going on for thousands of years. >> jimmy: has it really. but you know what, this is getting ridiculous. you're not on the show. >> i'm on the show! i'm on! >> jimmy: you're not on the show. >> i'm on the show! >> jimmy: this does not count as being on the show. >> this is what movie actors look like right here. we ride adam carolla's coattails, we did it ourselves. >> jimmy: enough already with that. >> i didn't invite him. i'm friends with him but more out of -- >> jimmy: why are you friends with him? >> i feel sorry for him. [ laughter ] he has nothing, he has nothing. >> jimmy: it's very sad. >> i saw a friend in need. i decided to extend a handshake. >> jimmy: is it true you go on vacations with him? >> he turned up at my house in australia. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he did. >> uninvited. >> really, is that right? >> yeah, i'm an open person, so. >> jimmy: he likes to go to things that no one wants him at. >> i know, just rolls up to events. >> jimmy: does he stay in your house? >> unfortunately, yeah. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> yeah, and his kids as well. >> jimmy: wow, the whole -- >> they're nice enough. >> jimmy: i'm sure the kids -- i don't hold it against the kids. >> they're better. >> jimmy: the kids are nicer. >> he's a pain, they're cool. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> i'm on the show! >> jimmy: how does that even work? >> i hacked into the system. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. [ laughter ] >> it's the martian. >> i've been here for a really long time, decades. i learned a lot of stuff. >> jimmy: go backstage and eat the duty potatoes that we made for you, okay? yeah, all right. pull up the screen saver. what of the emergency screen saver? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and you do nothing. >> guillermo: i'll go take care -- >> jimmy: go take care of it, you're security. >> the worst security. >> jimmy: i'm so sorry, chris, i really am. >> so am i. >> jimmy: when we come back we're hopefully going to see an exclusive never before seen clip of "thor: ragnarok." be right back. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ for those who know what they're really building. always unstoppable. toasting dad: i'm not one but here's to... to many more years of friendship. and feasts! crowd: [laughing, cheering] to presents! a mi familia que lo es todo. ♪ to being right here, right now, with you. sfx: dog bark. and you. toasting dad: i guess what i'm trying to say is, here's to family. we're proud to bring your family amazing value every day. t.j. maxx. marshalls. homegoods. family is the greatest gift. ♪ sourced entirely in france, for a character all its own. grey goose. give the world's best tasting vodka. it's blinds to go's big sale what's the big idea? only big time savings on every item in the store. and the more you buy the bigger you save. up to 30% off! that's a really big deal. blinds to go. blinds for life. it's the big sale our biggest sale of the year! select from... rollers, cellulars, romans, sheers, woods, faux woods, verticals and so much more. the more you buy the bigger you save! up to 30% off! that's big! blinds to go. blinds for life. i really wish i had my hammer. >> hammer? >> it's made from this special metal. i spun it really, really fast, it gave me the ability to fly. >> you rode a hammer? >> i didn't ride the hammer. >> the hammer rode you on your back? >> no, i'd spin it really fast. it would pull me off -- >> oh my god, the hammer pulled you off. >> pull me off the ground, into the air, i would fly. every time i threw it, it would always come back to me. >> sounds hike you had a special and intimate relationship with this hammer and losing it was almost comparable to losing a loved one. >> that's a nice way of putting it. >> jimmy: that's chris hemsworth. "thor: ragnarok. and that character -- >> that's our director. playing that character. and that stemmed from we were on set playing around with the weapons. before we shot the scene, it was one line originally. and the art department just went mental on the artistic collaboration. brought all sorts of ridiculous weapons. we were laughing what the hell is this thing? we were improving most of that scene. that was the tone of most of the movie is an encouraged improvisation. >> jimmy: yes, it really kind of takes the -- as they would say, takes the piss out of the superhero genre in general. >> that's it. >> jimmy: jeff goldblum is in the movie as well. >> my were warned me of the love and affection i'm going to have towards this man. >> jimmy: he's great. >> he does the best jest goldblum in town. >> jimmy: odin, your father, thor's father in the movie, is played by sir anthony hopkins. [ cheers and applause ] pretty heavy. i want to ask you about something. tyka posted this on his instagram. then you, i don't know how much later, posted the same photograph. but somehow the sweat has been removed from sir anthony hopkins. >> you are very observant. >> jimmy: thank you very much. this is the sort of thing i monitor. >> as a good human being, i thought, i'm going to have someone remove the sweat marks. >> jimmy: so you're saying tyka is not a good human being. >> he does not care. look at this. i think someone threw a bottle of water on him. >> jimmy: you did the right thing and he did the wrong thing. he really should be ashamed of himself. [ laughter ] that man is an international treasure. >> i care about his history. >> jimmy: congratulations on the film. people are going to love this movie. [ cheers and applause ] it's called "thor: rag that cook." it opens in theaters and imax on november 3rd. chris hemsworth, everybody. we'll be right back. this is google home mini. it's the google assistant for your house, so it gets you. if you mumble... (minions gibberish) it gets you. if you talk like this: add worcestershire sauce to my cart. it still gets you. gh: ok adding now. and if you're like: hey google, play my love playlist. 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[ "[ all ]" by simon anbees!funkel ] [ all ] bees! the volkswagen atlas. with easy-access 3rd row. life's as big as you make it. at t-mobile, when you holiday together, great things come in twos. right now when you buy any of this season's hot new samsung galaxy phones, you get a second one free to gift. that's one samsung for you. one to give. t-mobile. holiday twogether. >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. vance joy is on the way. our next guest is a comedian actor, writer, producer, and now an author, too. her new book is called "i'm fine and other lies." please welcome whitney cummings. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ that's a beautiful dress. >> thank you. this is a tricky dress. >> why is it -- oh, right. >> it's a tricky dress. >> jimmy: that's good for the viewers at home. >> i have to do some adjustments. >> jimmy: do you want me to shield you? with the vance joy single? i need something down here. this is better. >> jimmy: come on. let's give the people at home what they came to see. your legs. [ cheers and applause ] i'm sorry. that was very rude. >> i don't know. i don't want to give them a gynecological exam, that's not what they asked for. >> jimmy: this is called "i'm fine and other lies." does this mean you're not fine? >> i know this might come as a shock to some people but i don't have it together, folks. >> jimmy: you don't? you seem to me like you do have it together. >> really? i'm hanging by a thread. >> jimmy: i didn't gather that. you seem to be, well, you're very successful obviously. you have a lot of jobs as far as i can tell. you're working on things, you're producing other people, you're writing for other people and yourself, you write a book, you're touring. >> i'm hilarious. there's more. are you done? is that it? >> jimmy: that's the reason that all of these things come together. because you are very funny. you don't feel like it, huh? >> that is so nice. i think i wanted a book that revealed all the flaws and insecurities and the mistakes. i think so many of us pretend to have it together. you scroll down the instagram, you see everybody's greatest hits. no one's showing what happens behind the scenes. i kind of wanted to make it socially acceptable to talk about our not so great moments. our shameful moments. our embarrassing moments. and i did that with this book, which means i'll be single forever. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that genuinely a concern? it sounds like, are you worried about -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: about revealing so much? >> yes, i revealed so much in this book about eating disorders, body dismore fee yeah, addiction, i don't know why you're not laughing, this is hilarious. it has made a lot of things very weird for me. like people just in general, i feel like they think that i'm a safe place to admit all their weird secrets. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> and shameful behavior. people come up to me in airports and blurt out weird things they do. >> jimmy: like what? >> i had a woman run up to me in an airport and she goes, hey, i go to stores and i buy clothes i don't even want just so other people can't have them. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow! >> i was like, i'm going to go get a cinnabon. i need to get out of here. >> jimmy: that's one of the craziest things i've ever heard. >> ever heard. i had a woman yell at me across a driveway. she goes, hey, whitney, i can't stop stealing. [ laughter ] cool! i don't know what to tell you. >> jimmy: do you advise them at all? >> i'm not a psychiatrist. i think that's pretty obvious. i'm a clown, a comedian. so read the book. there is a lot of helpful information there. i tried to make a funny self-help would be for people. when people are weak and depressed, a lot of self-help books are boring and they make it worse. i wanted to write a funny self-help book so you can laugh and cry. >> jimmy: do you get into medical things? >> a little. i did this one thing. i added some things in there. my therapist realized that i have an issue with co-dependence. it manifests in, i have an inability to speak, first of all, but also to see red flags in men. you've met some guys i've dated. you know. my picker is off. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, okay. i know what you mean. >> okay. you know. molly knows. >> jimmy: my wife knows. >> your wife knows. but my brain will automatically turn a negative into a positive just to justify being in a terrible relationship. >> jimmy: that's not a good thing? >> it's bad. it is aging me. like i'll meet a guy and i'll go, he's married! oh, cool, not afraid of commitment! [ laughter ] like that's how my brain works. my therapist was like, you can't be trusted out there on the streets. so she made me start giving a quiz to the guy that i date to find out their subconscious, to find out who they are. and my producer said i could do it with you. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] may i ask you a quick question? do you do this, do you do it on the first date? >> i try to do it on the first date. >> jimmy: that won't help anything. if i got quizzed on the first date, i would be like, i'm going to the bathroom and never coming back. [ laughter ] >> well then i learned everything i need to know. you jump ship when things get hard. >> jimmy: give me the quiz. >> do you have a pen? i need paper and a pen. >> jimmy: i do, yes, there's a pen, i have paper. >> i'll sign the book for you, fine, all right. >> jimmy: "jimmy, you failed." so the idea is -- >> the idea is freud, came up with this test. it finds out things about someone's subconscious. we all pretend to be people we're not. i pretend i'm 30. [ laughter ] people pretend a lot of things but this is the way to get the truth out in a sneaky way so you don't find out two years into a relationship that they have a secret family. this is a good day. >> jimmy: now i feel like there's a lot of pressure. >> there is a lot of pressure. molly, i hope you're watching. >> jimmy: i'll try to answer honestly. >> the first thing i need to know is what your favorite animal. >> jimmy: a monkey. definitely. >> i need three reasons. why it's your favorite animal. >> jimmy: well. they fling poop. is that three? >> fling poop. and try to do adjectives. >> jimmy: okay. smoking. i like when they smoke. [ laughter ] they're the only animal that smokes. that i know of. >> like what about the monkey? >> jimmy: i like, they're funny, i think. they seem intelligent. and they are a little bit crazy. funny, intelligent, crazy. >> crazy and fling poop. okay. what is your favorite article of clothing? it can be a suit or a pair of socks. >> jimmy: of my own. >> it can be anything. it can be a wedding dress. >> jimmy: yeah, my wedding dress, that's it. [ laughter ] >> it can be underwear. >> jimmy: i know what it is. i have a tank top that has the colors of the jamaican flag and i wear it only because my wife hates it so much. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and i don't know what this says about me but i bought like 12 of them. because she throws them out immediately. and then i just produce another one and she doesn't know where they keep coming from. >> okay. what are three adjectives to describe it? that tank top? hideous? >> jimmy: hideous would be one of them. ridiculous. annoying. >> annoying. >> jimmy: i think i failed the test already. >> no, no. i'll tell you what they mean in a second. >> jimmy: oh, all right. >> the final one is what is your favorite body of water? it can be an ocean, a swimming pool, a glass of water, a stream. mine was the new river in virginia, i went white water rafting on it. >> jimmy: i know what mine is. silver creek in idaho. >> okay. tell me three things to describe that creek. >> jimmy: it is placid, clear, and troutful. [ laughter ] is that a word? troutful? >> bountiful with trout. >> jimmy: bountiful with trout, yes, yes, yes. >> so it's a -- is it moving them? >> jimmy: a little bit but not much. it's very still. >> moves a little bit. okay. so what this does is it helps you understand the way you perceive yourself and the way others perceive you. the first one tells you how you perceive yourself. >> jimmy: as a monkey. right. >> funny, intelligent, crazy and flings poop. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's me. >> would you say that's how you perceive yourself ? >> jimmy: if you throw "hairy" in there, you've got practically my twitter bio. >> or your tinder bio. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> and then your article of clothing is the way other people perceive you. >> jimmy: okay. oh, boy. >> pisses off your wife, ridiculous, annoying. that was not, i don't know. i don't know. i would have pushed you to go for something besides the tank top but i wanted to hear so much about it and envision you in it that i went for it. the third one is the way you view sex. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> placid. [ laughter ] >> troutful. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow! >> and moves a little but not much. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's miraculous! you've been spying on me! let me have that book. wow, it's all in here. all the secrets the life are right in this book. it's called i'm fine and other lies. whitney cummings, everyone. we'll be right back with vance joy. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. hello moto. can your phone turn into a projector? because a 70 inch projection beats any phone screen. and they might be bragging about portrait mode. but can your phone go beyond and transform into a real 360 camera? it's time to reinvent your smartphone. it's time to move on. moto mods on the new moto z, from motorola. available at all major carriers. and take an extra 20% off!ekend at kohl's friends & family sale give joy with a star wars playset or the batcave give joy with mr. potato head or a play-doh playset! this weekend at kohl's friends and family sale give joy, get joy at kohl's. bipolar depression, it leaves me feeling sad and empty. it makes it hard to be there for the people i love. so i talked to my doctor, and she prescribed latuda. latuda is fda-approved to treat bipolar depression, a different type of depression. in clinical studies, latuda was proven effective for many people struggling with bipolar depression. latuda is not for everyone. call your doctor about unusual mood changes, behaviors or suicidal thoughts. antidepressants can increase these in children, teens and young adults. elderly dementia patients on latuda have an increased risk of death or stroke. call your doctor about fever, stiff muscles and confusion, as these may be life-threatening or uncontrollable muscle movements as these may be permanent. these are not all the serious side effects. to learn more, go to latuda.com or talk to your doctor. being there for the people i love means i get to be part of life's little moments. talk to your doctor about latuda and visit latuda.com part of your everyday routines with roomba from irobot. just press clean and roomba gets to work. roomba uses a patented dirt detect™ system that attacks dirt in high-traffic areas of your home. while two multi-surface brushes and power-lifting suction grab and remove everything from fine dust to large debris. daily dirt doesn't stand a chance. you and roomba from irobot. better together. whfor 6 days only at petsmart spend $60 and get $20 off your merchandise purchase with coupon. and save all month on aquariums, beds, crates and more! i've always wanted one of these! petsmart - for the love of pets. your date with destiny has arrived. let's do this! new cinnamon frosted flakes are finally here. sweet cinnamon and the frosted crunch you love. well? tastes like victory t. tastes like victory. they're great! "pre(crowd cheering) presents for them, kohl's cash for you! (announcer) kohl's. give joy. get joy. well, it turns out she doesn't.ht i knew everything about garthbut now i do. i just finished his new book. yes, he wrote a book. i'm so proud of him. it's not a book. it's "the anthology part 1" of a part 5 series. it's a... it's a book with cds in it. and stories like i've never heard before. pictures i've never seen. in a really sweet package. i know what i'm getting everybody for christmas this year. (announcer) 240 pages, 5 albums, and hundreds of never-before-seen photos. available now at walmart. and honey, there's some things in here that i don't think i would've told. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i told you we would have music and i would never lie about something like that. here with the song, lay it on me, vance joy! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i'm so gone anyone could see that i'm wasted ♪ ♪ you cut through and i just wanna know what's in your head ♪ ♪ write it on a piece of paper honey mmm hmmm ♪ ♪ put it in my coat before i go ♪ ♪ hidden in a place you know i'll find it oh ohh ♪ ♪ later when i'm sitting all alone ♪ ♪ let me in everything starts at your skin ♪ ♪ so new your love's always finding me out ♪ ♪ oh who am i kidding if all my defenses come down oh baby ♪ ♪ will you lay it all on me now ♪ ♪ lay it all on me now lay it all on me now lay it all on me now lay it all on me now ♪ ♪ snow comes down everything is new and different ♪ ♪ i found you hidden in plain sight why'd it take so long ♪ ♪ write it on a piece of paper honey mmm hmmm put it in my coat before i go ♪ ♪ let me in everything starts at your skin ♪ ♪ so new your love's always finding me out ♪ ♪ oh who am i kidding if all my defenses come down oh baby will you lay it all on me now ♪ ♪ lay it all on me now lay it all on me now lay it all on me now lay it all on me now ♪ ♪ ohh ohh ohh ohh ohh ohh ohh ohh ohh ohh ohh ohh ♪ ♪ your love's always finding me out who am i kidding ♪ ♪ if all my defenses come down oh baby babe will you lay it all on me now ♪ ♪ ohh ohh ohh lay it all on me now ohh ohh ohh lay it all on me now ♪ ♪ ohh ohh ohh lay it all on me now ohh ohh ohh lay it all on me now ♪ >> jimmy: i want to thank vance joy, chris hemsworth, whitney cummings. i will not apologize to matt damon. he was inappropriate tonight and i didn't care for it. a special edition of "nightline" that harvey weinstein will absolutely hate is next. thank you for watching. good night, everybody. in one nanosecond, everything, every single thing, changed. >> it was surreal. >> a young couple starting a family. but in the delivery room, a terrifying discovery. >> i saw shock on people's faces. they didn't want to show to it me. >> their son born with a rare genetic disorder. >> it didn't look like a human being. he didn't look like a person. >> then these new parents did the thing all parents do. >> we held thnathaniel for the first time. we held our son. then our life changed forever. >> tonight elizabeth vargas on one family's inspiring journey. seemingly ripped straight out of a best-selling novel. >> you may have read the book "wonder." if you have you already know a little bit about me. >> the struggles and heartaches. >> so tired.