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COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah July 12, 2024

I didnt know. My microbiome did. All along, they were trying to tell me something. Ive really learned that im not just me. Im also all the creatures inside of me. From now on, im gonna trust my gut a little more. Well, i think weve all learned something. One for the ladies is one too many for the ladies. [ laughter ] on, everybody. Welcome to the daily social distancing show. Im trevor noah. Today is wednesday, the 7th of october, which is an important date in american history. Because today marks the fouryear anniversary of the access hollywood grab em by the pussy tape. Man, i have fond memories of that day. Thats the day we knew for certain that donald trump would never be president. Anyway, coming up on tonights show president donald trump. His corona outbreak continues to spread throughout the white house. Meanwhile, facebook is clamping down on dangerous conspiracies and dangerously sexy onions. And we also found a replacement for all those columbus statues. So lets do this, peop ....

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KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live July 12, 2024

Im very close. And now, like the mcrib, im back. It is weird being back in an office after six months. Were being very careful. They divided the office into zones. We have zone a, zone b and zone c. Im not sure if im hosting a show or boarding a Southwest Airlines flight. Everyone is Wearing Masks and those clear plastic face shields. Everyone looks like theyre in a daft punk cover band. We have a small crew here in our studio. I need you guys to laugh, even if its not funny. Dnchlths i said i need you guys. This must be what kim jong un feels like. Is he still alive . Or did he go when we were gone . Remind me to call and check in on him. We have everything we need to do a show. Except, for my little mustachioed angel. Where is guillermo . Isnt he supposed to be here . All right, thats enough. All right. Anyway, good to see you. I miss you. I really did. How are you doing ....

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KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert July 12, 2024

Bill cosby is a really decent person. I really believe that Harvey Weinstein is as good a man as god ever created. Ive spent much of my adult life as part of a team committed to kill somebodys cat. John mccain, and people like him, are not american heroes. The bottom line is Lindsey Graham is the most despicable thing i have seen in my time in politics. And i intend to vote for joe biden. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, moment of ruth. Plus stephen welcomes Lieutenant General h. R. Mcmaster and laurence fishburne, featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its
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KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live July 12, 2024

[cheers and applause] zone a is the best zone. The rest of you are zone bm. Is what you are over in the you know today this morning, an asteroid the size of a school bus narrowly passed by earth. In astronomical terms, it just missed us. Which is a shame. I feel like some of you arent praying hard enough. With each passing day, it seems more and more likely that we are on the brink of something very bad. Our president made another history making Statement Last night, when asked if he would leave the white house gracefully if he doesnt win. Win, lose or draw in this election, would you commit here today for a peaceful transfer a a alof pure after the election . Well have to see what happens, as you know ive been complaining very strongly about the ballots, the ballots are a disaster. I understand that, but the people are rioting. We want to, get rid of the ballots, and well have a very peaceful, there wont be a transfer, frankly, t ....

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KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live July 12, 2024

Starting to get back to normal. For instance im very excited that the new nfl season kicks off tomorrow. Hank jr. Always asks, are you ready for some football . Hell, im so starved for sports im ready for some badminton. The nfl is doing things differently this year. Like all of us. For safety players will be quarantined for 14 days every time they come in close contact with another player. So the season is going to last 17 years. Some teams are made for this like the Detroit Lions. Their defense hasnt come within six feet of another player since 1998. I can say that because im a Cleveland Browns fan. And as a browns fan, Detroit Lions jokes are all weve got. God bless em. Hey, speaking of sports are you familiar with the beersketball challenge . It started when i put out a song called no i in beer and some creative folk ....

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