diet composed of twingeys? the stories that will fill you with creamy delight. thanks, andy. me thingst every man shall beat thee. i smite your nodles. all right, let s welcome our guests. this is tire so many. i am here with sc-kupp. her latest book is called losing our religion. she is so hot that hot dogs are called kupp pups. it is bill shultz. and he performs tricks as easily as i learn them. fun fact, he is so magical he puns pulled a rab he once pulled a rabbit out of me. and a lout who lost his clout. good to see you, pinch. check out our hum dinger of a travel piece. it is a region that offers thanks, i was parched. now i am starting to wealth. welt. greg? thank you for the mess. that was bill, not me. they call you a beece and fill you with grease. the department of agriculture has discurlinged eating dairy products because they are high in saturated fat which is linked to heart disee.s heart disease. and they are made from babies. an arm of the usda called dairy management helped domino create a new pizza with 40% more cheese and then spent $12 million to develop a marketing campaign for the company seen here. so why michelle obama tells restaurant to eat healthy crud no one wants, the government is helping develop a pizza. speaking of cheese, here is a kid who likes cutting it. 11-year-old christian summers thinks playing video games is fun. according to his school bus driver, he also thinks passing gas is fun. she didn t find his flatulene ce so funny. i said it was an accident. and christian was slapped with an hour detention at the row park elementary. i thought it was pretty dumb. now he is secretive on letting one slip on a small school bus. when i have to pass gas i have to cuff myself cover myself because it won t stink up the bus. it is good news no one died today. exactly. ingthing else happened. wow, is that cool. no one died in the world. six million people healthy and one kid farting. the cheese lobby is creating heroes like this. this man cannot control his farting. is cheese a flatulent? are you kidding me? no, i am not. it has caused many an unfortunate occurrence in my life. are you lactose intolerant? i am cheese intolerant. actually i am intolerant of anything. well, that was none of my business. that was none of my business. i was wrapped up in this whole we re on tv and we share everything thing. i m going to get to your perm life. personal life. you are a hard core libertarian. should the government be involved in our cheese eating practis? absolutely. they also subsidize cheese and then they stop us. the candidate for libertarian who was a candidate and that s why you never heard of him. he used to start his speeches for libertarian nuts by saying we spend this much money subsidizing the tobacco industry. we spend this much money telling people not to smoke. let s just stop one of them. that s the halfway point. the cheese battle, it is our money being spent to put more cheese in pizza and then tell people not to eat. so it is someone who has a brain in their [explative]. i think you shouldn t tell people to eat cheese and then put more cheese in things. maybe let people make up their own mind about cheese. i know that s crazy. i say more cheese. impeachable offense for obama? yes! we ve got him on this one. this is a total scandal. he has his wife on one hand telling us we have fat kids that need to be on diets and then he is shoveling cheese in their faces in order to keep her working on the fat kids. it is like, whoa. okay. yeah, i hate i m with you. i hate all these liberal policies, and i hope the inevitable conclusion is they put every single industry out of work, the cheese industry, the tobacco industry, the toy making industry, the meat industry. so we are a nation of 60% unemployment and we will be miserable, but we will be thin. americans eat 33 pounds of cheese a day. yeah, a day. that s basically one of you. that was the one take away i got from this really complicated story. i had a hard time following it. but 33 pounds of cheese a year, holly colon clod. i will take all of my money and invest in exlax. holly poop. i can eat cheese without thinking what it is. it is like milk. i can t drink milk. if i think of where milk comes from. it is taking fluids out of a cow. how about eggs? eggs are chicken ass. it bothers me. no, i m hungry. i want to eat things. you can t even if you don t even have the gut to eat a piece of cheese, what ind could of a man are you what kind of man are you? remember with the three stooges, are you a man or mouse? put down a piece of cheese and find outment find out. you couldn t pass that test. i can eat cheese as long as i don t think about it. it is the only food group that sweat. that can t be true. i will disagree, circle gets a square. by the way, the dominos pizza, what do you make of it? is it a better pizza? sounds amazing to me. lots of cheese. gies wisconsin, wisconsin thank obama. is america exceptional like something really exceptional? a giant dune buggy? that s exceptional. marco rubio made it a campaign of his many speeches. it is something easy to forget how special america really is. but i was raised by exiles, by people who clearly understand how different america is from the rest of the world. but as andy ferguson of the weekly standard notes while many think exceptionalism is true, many do not. last year obama said i believe in american exceptionalism just as i suspect the brits believe in british exceptionalism and the greeks believe in greek exceptionalism. meaning if even believe had if everyone believes in it then it is not exceptional. you know what is exceptional? what? i lived with them for two years. they were freaks. they were absolute freaks. they didn t have any cheese problems. they had glass table problems. andy, why can t obama accept the fact that america is better than all other countries? i think it is a real mistake to say america. it is not the population. it is not where you are born. it is not geographical. it is an intellectual idea. the constitution and the bill of rights and especially the first amendment, the idea of allowing the freedom of press and the idea that the solution to bad speech is more speech is in a really exceptional idea. it is an exceptional idea wherever you do it. people are not any different around the world. there is nothing special about americans. it is an accident at birth. it was an idea that really kicked ass. and part of that idea is give individuals as much freedom as possible and they will do groovy things. that was nice. they act like they pretend to be exceptionalism of the idea is an exceptionalism of the people. one is patently true, and one is racist and evil. that makes sense. sc, you are racist and evil. that s why we love you. obama acknowledged the climate of american economic dominance. isn t that a self-fulfilling prophesy? this is one area i wanted him to be arrogant. he is arrogant in so many other arenas. i want him to be like, we re cool, we re fine, everything is going to be all right. why? because america is awesome. could you imagine like bush or cheney talking like this? i mean they are poker faces when they went out. bush would be like america is the best, it is always going to be the best because god told me so. god said so. i don t think he does use that language. he would, he would. bill, you travel all over your apartment. why do you hate america so much? i hate america, but not because i travel all around my apartment. i love america. i love places like american exceptionalism. i love taking our country back and i love america must go forward. i personally am for america going backward. but i love when people say the rhetoric. you want america to bend over. right. you don t want it to go backwards. and i can [explative] for all it is worth. but why do i feel if he said all the things sc wanted him to say it would be, look at this arrogant president! is he living in a box? does he see what is going on? good, that s what we want. here is my point. in obama s mind why not just build better stuff? build stuff, period. anything. the president is not supposed to be doing pr for companies. really? i don t think he is supposed to do that. i don t think he is supposed to go out and do all of this stuff. just give us freedom and leave us alone. we don t need to be taken care of. that does president mean that the president whether it is bush or whether it is obama has to go overseas and do pr for us. i don t want the president doing commercials for us. included in that pr though is a sense of apologizing. don t apologize, but also don t go around the world bragging and swinging it around. just do your job. my theory is he in his heart, it is part of being a liberal. they are never exceptional. all right, all right. a nice pinucci or a maple. i did change the subject then? i will say this, when i am not pledging i notice that the best gun slinger in the bar doesn t talk about being the best gun sling inert bar. he knows it. he doesn t have to talk. and the leaders that do usually are but he also doesn t go out and say i am not that great. i am really not that great. he is a self-depricating president. it is like you are cat talking. it is really cool. and just like the cat we feed him a little snack afterward. invariably it is cheese. sweaty cheese. you know what the pinucci is? that s what i make after i make the sweaty cheese. from a yanky dole to a consume summer revolt. is crap green lost its cheese? the industry niagara board says sales have slowed for stuff like green cleaners and hybrid cars and going for bottled water which as you know is water in actual bottles. and a new study showed a big leap in shoppers who think echo friendly alternatives are too pricey. and they are actually better for the environment. being green sucks more than saw3-de. so how is the green movement reacting? we asked the spokesman for comment. why couldn t they have used a smaller building and a real guy? i don t know. back then they were just learning special affects. that guy was really green. i thought that was a scene from avatar. how old is that? i don t know. is the economy at fault or are people wising up this stuff is bogus. i will tell you what is going on here. environmental causes are for rich people. every hair-brained cause finds a friend. when we are all just trying to put food on the table, it falls on our list of priorities. so sorry polar bears, but if they want to get a little more attention right now, they will have to help us figure out how to get more jobs. get off your asses polar bears and help us get jobs. they are just waiting there to be rescued. would you say that to a polar bear s face? they are hairy pigs. why do they have to be white? lazy, come rescue me. all you would say to a polar bear is scream and drop your cheese. they are frightening. they are man-eaters. yes, frightening. polar bears are also big. i i want to say stuff on this show, but i don t want to be busted. that s good. but when something is cheaper, isn t it better for the environment? when something is pricier it means it costs more to build which means it depends on a lot of stuff. i think there are too many variables to make a rule, but this is television so make one. recycling. recycling, a lot of times if you get paid to recycle, then it is worth it because they are actually using the stuff. if they are just doing it by force, it probably isn t doing that much good. also we did a bs show on this. landfills are not that terrible. we are pretty good at it. they are kind of awesome. when i was a kid, my dad in the station wagon driving me to the dump was the highlight of my life. did you ever go and it is filled with crap and that stuff wasn t dirty. it was fun. and you always found stuff to take home with you. there was always a piece of bicycle. well, the bowl-bleep we will call it on a family show. you couldn t make a 35-square mile landfill and you put all of america s junk in there, and we would be okay. you showed that on a map and you could barely see the little red dot. it is really not that scary. most green choices are made to alleviate the other choices in people s lives. a rich person would rather buy the green soap than give up the flight to bar saw loan gnaw. bar saw loan gnaw. if the product works they will buy them. and they have to be cheaper. they have to be affordable. we are the most successful, richest, fattest group of people that ever lived. yea! and we feel very, very guilty about that. they do the carbon credits which is just like going to the pope and saying, i m really sorry what are they called? june indulgence. the other thing too, bottled water, wasn t that first embraced by the environment because it was wonderful water? it didn t have the chemicals and the fluoride and all that stuff? all the plastic. now the poor seagulls are choking on them. i don t like seagulls. no, they are mean birds. what is up with robert downey, junior? beats me, we didn t try to book him. and can you lose weight by eating twinkies? can you do it in groups? it was awesome. i suck. so the topic of bullying has elbowed its way to the front of the grievance parade with city councils passing anti-bullying laws and stars lining up to denounce such dark behave. of course, that s because bullying is easy to get ernest about. no matter how much of a jrk you are, and i m up there, you can t say bullying is awesome. it makes for legitimate easy outrage that even the shallowest celebrity can get behind. as every starry minds us, they were once bullies too. they were also dorks in high school with braces and glasses on their braces. here is where i m headed, there is a bully gap going on. everyone claims to be bullied, but no one claims to be the bully. i was bullied. his nate was patrick. he demanded cash. when i stood up to him he sulked to object obscurity. there you go, pat. i bet everyone was bullied and i bet you were bullied too. that leads me to one question. if we were all bullied, where are the bullies? the answer, both. i remember being bullied, but if i try harder i remember sara high school s spanish class. the teacher was a cuban refugee who went through hell to get here and i made it hellier, sorry, manny. my . is, those kids whose webcam peeping was blamed for a suicide, they did something wrong. what is it bullying? even now people are realizing while the ce-eds were mucking about, they weren t trying to hurt the guy. if if you demonize them because it makes you feel good, there is a definition for that and it is called bullying. if you disagree with me, so help me god, i will kick your racist homophobic butt. we were going back and forth about this a couple weeks ago on e-mail. you are saying that actually being tall is really hard because people bully you and know it is a combination. i was enormous. i also was very tall very early. i was like 6 foot 5 coming out of junior high. and i also was a and still am, i have never hit anybody in my life. so you could hit me and i wouldn t hit back and you were hitting a big guy. and there is all this david and goliath guy. i have a problem with the bible anyway. this story says the big guy is always wrong, hit him with a stick. hit him with a stone. beat him up. i would be well, i had the longest hair and i wore eye make up and i was you deserved it. i did. and the thing was i was walking home from school with a woman from my class i was going to have sex with and they beat me up for being gay. four guys who were together just the four of them beat me up. fortunately they were gay. well, from what it sounds they thought you were lesbian. i said, i am gay and i am the only one with a woman? they hit me in the face and i remember bleeding and spiting out the blood and saying, are you done now? i remember my date thinking it was so sexy because i was tough. you said this in an e-mail that we are all bullies. although i never hit anybody and i was a piece nick, i was always very aggressive verbally. when i look back on that, i never saw the bullying as anything verbal because i didn t do it. bullying was only physical and everything i said was okay. when you started telling the story about your spanish teacher and i am choking up on emotion and i look back on the incredibly cruel things i said, and then i was thinking about the bullying stuff. well i was beat up a lot even though i was big. well, you did yell and say things that made people cry. he was the nicest spanish it crushes me when i think about. it he came from cuba and i put ?ails on the floor when he walked in and he slid and fell on his back. gregory. he died four years ago in 2006. this happened in 1984 so he had 20 years maybe. but still it bothers me. you are a terrible person. the doctor said it was from prolonged snail poisoning. es scar go. here is the point that no one talks about, people bully other people because they like them. it is their only way of connecting. oh my gosh. that s amazing upper body strength. i do like you. but don t you agree? boys pulled your hair in school. i was bullied terribly. that was a way of saying she was popular. it was bad. but since we are all confessing, i bullied some girls in my time. i remember in second grade my mom got a phone call from the teacher, ms. cupp, i m sorry, your daughter just called lyndsay jesperson a vagina. my excuse was no i didn t i called her a bagina. and that is infinitely better. as long as it is a made up word for sure. for all we know it could have been latin. bill, you bullied yourself. i abuse myself. i don t know. i get i think if you make fun of someone for a cheap laugh i don t know that is bullying. i am behind that. but i think if you maintain your bully, but you might not be both. i think it is a bully. all right, i want to make that clear. i am a bully. so do you have a comment on the show? e-mail us. it is red eye at fox news .com. to leave a voicemail on my direct line call 212-462-5050. still to come, the half time report from andy levy. he is a bully and a jerk. tonight s half time report is sponsored by perseverance. the course of action in spite of difficulty. thanks perer is veerns perseverance. welcome back. let s find out if we have anything right so far. anally, i went to my first trani bar. did you have fun? yeah. who thought the u.n translators had their own bar. yes, they do. good for you. yes. good are to you. you claim dairy products are made from babies? yes. in fact, according to the national dairy council, these days 97% of cheese is baby free. still they have a long way to go. they are working on it. can t fault them for that. you asked greg if he was lactose intolerant. a lot of my people are lactose intolerant so the government is funding foods we can t eat. why does the government hate the jews? that s one of the questions. exactly. why does the government hate the jews? andy, first they come for the lactose intolerance. and then they come for people who constantly use the first day come thing. what are you talking about? i only used it twice. first they come for people who repeat jokes. i use the term loosely. you are safe. greg asked if this was an impeachable offense for obama, and you said yes. i am not arguing with you at all. but there should be an impeachment of him too, right? nothing is bush s fault. it is all obama. get on board. greg, how is drinking milk like having sex with a cow? by the way, the first guy that did it, freak. he is hungry for cow love. he discovered the utters afterwards. greg, you know it was a german dude. of course. and he filmed it. he totally filmed it and it is on the internet. the milk was purely an accidental bi-product. i believe it was lieuy. i think the german guy invented the video camera just for the milk so at least he got something for it. cheese sweating what is caused by the fact that moisture develops in the package of naturally-produced cheese as a result of the aging process. it is proteins in the cheese releasing moisture which does not affect the quality i am told. but it is still mold. that s what i don t get. it is not just mold. it is mold and milk fat and bi-product. and the result of a freaky german. american ebbs exceptionalism. it is supremacy and not supremacy. what did i say? supremacy. who cares? our viewers care. because they are supreme. it makes me sick. penn i totally agree that they are wrong thinking exceptionalism is the theory thunk americans with better than everybody else. what i don t get is president obama saying he believes in american exceptionalism like he says greeks believe in exceptionalism and the british believes in british exceptionalism. it doesn t work, does it? he made the . he made the no it doesn t. i think it is more than that. i think there are ideas. there was greek exceptionalism 2500 years ago. there are a couple things. greeks do exceptional things. they can t film it though. no cameras. bill, i will ask you this question, when one of your defacto titles is the leader of the free world, shouldn t you realize that there is maybe something to american exceptionalism? look, all he did was say he said he hated america and it was the worst country on the planet and he wished we lost the cold war. okay x i am going to go out on a limb and say i am against all of those things. i did not read that in the transcript. that was a direct quote. i apologize. people report going green. sc, you said the green stuff are not working because environmental causes are for rich people. i don t know that s it. at least not completely. if you have like a light bulb that might be better for the environment and it cos the same or it costs the same or maybe more, i think people would buy it. i think the problem is a lot of these products are crap and don t do the job and they cost more. why would anybody buy them? don t underestimate the and they cost more part. when i go to whole foods and i have to spend $7 on organic uh spare gus that i can get for $3 at my local grocery store, that s a huge factor. if you are once you are buying as pair gus you are rich. and get an air freshener for your bathroom. and don t you think part of this is sort of doing this for your own good streak of americanism clashing with the liber tor yuan streak of americanism? people are saying you have to buy green, do this, it is good. after awhile you are just like, you know what? now i am purposely not doing it because i am tired of you telling me to do it. you can do things good because you want to. you can also say if we all do this it will make things better and that makes me happy. it is not against your self-interest to help people. no, but when you are constantly beaten over the head with it, after awhile i am not even saying it is a childish reaction, but it is like, shut up. i don t want to hear it anymore. was that second person singular or pleural? or plural? no, no, no. good, good. greg-alogue, greg i going belled googled patrick and the only hits were your greg uh lock. what about fudge? it sweat. i don t think fudge sweats. it does too. no, i think what is going on i am going to kick your ass. come here, wimp. i think that is condensation, penn. if it is con den session, condensation, cheese doesn t sweat either. if you are you can taking literally sweat, no, cheese doesn t sweat. if you use sweat caw loke we y allly then fudge sweats too. this is wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, die. who would have thought the cheese sweat factory would be the right argument. of all the topics. and just lastly, greg, i have a problem with demonizing the two creeps that hurt that tyler kid. i think they meant to hurt him. in a living situation in a dorm people do stuff all the time. it under sounded they put up a webcam and looked at it for like 20 seconds and they went on i don t think they were making fun of the guy. i think it was just the guy has gay friends. the guy is like, look at what he is doing, making out with a guy. it was silly. do you honestly believe they wanted to hurt him? i don t think they thought he would kill himself, but they weren t i m sure they didn t mean to kill him. but they weren t doing it because they really liked the dude. they certainly meant to hurt him, but didn t mean to kill him. now that penn and i agree, i am done. that worked out nicely. and i am taking down your web m ka. coming up, what is harrison ford s new movie about? i m sure he will be telling some other show. so, what will i ask penn from penn and teller? all i have so far is what s up? i hope he has a four-minute long answer. well penn and teller just celebrated 10 years at the rio in vegas. if you haven t seen their act, you are probably a commi pig that should be beaten to death with a spoon. but good news. they signed up for three more years. so you can catch their act. let s spend a few moments with penn and teller. penn, i was in the green room and i noticed you had like some money. i have money, yeah. and you were doing something to your money. what were you doing? i was counting it. no, i was crossing out the word god from the back of the bill. i believe i i m going to show how much money i have here, but here is a $100 american bill and there we can see it has the word god crossed off. the reason for that is that congress should make no law establishing religious of freedom, freedom of speech, the right of people to freely assemble and position the where does it say to put god on the money? i think part of having freedom of religion is having freedom from religion. can i take a moment of my time? yes. i want to ask you a question, sc. i have a friend, which is surprising enough, named emery emery who is the director or was the editor of our movie the aristocrats and he watches you on tv a lot. he said he believed from watching you on bill maar and several other places there was a chance you were a cobair-type character and you were not really an atheist when you were setting up for some big book deal and then turn around and say, i i wasn t eighth thee gist, and now i am a christian. is there a chance of that? the last book was called losing our religion. can i predict your next book is finding my religion no chance. most people assume that if you are an atheist you are as left wing most people assume you are militant as well. you are crossing off the god thing. i don t get that. i don t get how the word got on paper god on paper money impinges your freedom from religion. and i am an atheist. but who cares? people do care because ideas matter very much. i agree. and belief systems matter very much. right. and if you are to put a symbol of something i disagree with on something i pay for, i believe that is wrong in american culture. it is also very new. we didn t have god on the money in the 50s, 54? i don t know the exact date. but god on the money is new. god in the pledge of allegiance is new. i think the most important thing about america is individualism, and when of you say, well, you know, we all kind of believe in god, and some of us don t, it is a bad thing. the fact that my son and daughter who are four and five years old and do not have religion and are raised without religion have to see ged on the money, i want everybody in the class to talk from their heart about their beliefs. i want them to talk about their faith. but i don t want the government to respect an establishment of religion. i think the people who wrote that were thinking really, really clearly. and to dismiss that seems wrong. as one who worships the dragon, why is that not in there? why is god any better than two-horned lord of the fire mouth, greg? why cannot that be in the pledge of allegiance? obviously if you had a real conversion we would not be cynical and question that. you don t have any grand scheme? i am not that smart. you just called to god! and that was my argument. i said, emery, she is not that smart. if my marketing scheme was to write a book defending christianity and market it to christians, what a dumb business idea to pretend to be atheist. except many people say, well, you know i used to be atheist and then i saw the light. i love those stories. it is a wonderful story. so no one has done one of those public lie yet. publicly yet. i guess it was part of the insane clown posse. by the way, i want to take a break. i was just asking if you were well, why not just continue through the break. i will just hide under here. bible of unspeakable truths go to amazon amazon.com. stick around, come back, we have more. so, first i want to ask let me make something clear. the hundred dollar bill i showed to the camera, i am going to leave here before i walk into the streets where there are muggers just in cage just in case somebody is watching. look, we can catch him coming out of the building he has $100. the only one you have to worry about is bill. he is right that none of our viewers are aware that we are not live either. they are way too stoned to do the math. it would be like, let s go now and get them. i want to talk to you about some political stuff. i have a question, i always believe the fear of eighth 8 thee yism is not a fear there is no god, but there is no me. people can t comprehend the idea of oblivion and the fact that once they die there is no more me. you are one of the happiest people i know. that puts me into a funk of mourning myself. if my mom had lived she would be 101 years old today. i loved my mom tremendously. we were very, very close. what you are proposing when you say that there is an omni present, only nip tent omnipitent power in the universe you are saying there is an inteligent force in the universe that decided my mom should be paralyzed the last four years of my life and sufflok. i can take the fact it happened to her randomly. i can take the fact that the universe works that way. trying to possible few late postulate some sort of being that chose my mom to sufflok is more horrific than any hell or any emptiness in the universe. that s the emotional argument. the intellectual argument is when people ask why i am an atheist and i answer because there is no god. and that is not a snotty answer. it is not how you feel or what you want to believe. although wanting to believe that there is an omniscent force in the universe that wanted to make my mother suffer is horrific, the truth is we have no evidence. the nobel prize winning physicist says if you had to face god, they asked him, what would you say to god about being an atheist and he said, you should have given us better evidence. there just isn t that much evidence. so the joy of being an atheist is the joy that what we have is each other and love and my mom gave me and my dad too and my sister, give me so much unconditional, beautiful, beautiful love that to ask for something beyond that in the universe is greedy, unpleasant and petulant. it is not only condescending, but it is really convenient to do the old caveat well the lord works in mysterious ways. really? that s not mysterious, that just sucks. it is a real cop out. i also think it makes us think about how available life is. and how well we have to treat each other. you are right. and it talks about the preciousness about what we have right now. and when people say to me that they can t understand how i can be an atheist i feel this sadness because i feel, well, don t you have enough love from your family and your friends? don t you have enough love flooding in that you have to try to get is it somewhere else? no matter how much love you can postulate of god having, it is not as much as the love my family had. i have to move on. the only thing is, it is because of that love you want to see them later. it is why you want to be with them. that s why you want to see your mother and father. i do. i just want the virgins. that s all you get. you are one of the 72 virgins. well let s talk about it. we have to move on. time to go back to andy levy for the post game wrap up. i would like to say i was incredibly offended by the last couple segments. were you? penn what brings you to new york? i am here for the opening of teller s play. teller wrote and directed a play called play dead which is a scary adult, frightening show, and it is playing at the player s theater on mcdougal street and i will be at the opening on wednesday night