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KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live July 14, 2024

Run for mayor of dildo. They dont have a mayor. They dont seem to want a mayor because theyre not having an election for mayor. But local polls show me leading 5248. Bad news is i am leading no one by 4 . I dispatched an advance team. They went 4,000 miles and led by close and mosttrusted adviser guillermo, we will hear from him in dildo moments from now. This is the time of year when we offer people walking past our studio the floppertunity to take their clothes off. We have a pool in the back of our theater. Memories are just waiting to be made. This is the 14th summer, 14 years ago, a mysterious voice told me, if you build it, they will flop. And we did. Lets go to cousin sal, sal, by the way, i want to mention, [cheers and applause] has his own show on fox sports 1 called lock it in, a sports gambling show. Theyll probably cancel it. Jimmy your gambling problem paid off in a big way. Have you found someone on the street we can bet on . I have. Lets bet on some bellies. Jimmy very g ....

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KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon July 14, 2024

Jimmy thank you very much. Wow thank you very much, everybody [ cheers and applause thank you very much, everybody give it up for the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause please have a seat welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show everybody guys, it is the weekend and this sunday is the indianapolis 500. So between Memorial Day Travel and the indy 500, its a great time for people who love being stuck in the car [ laughter and applause thats right, its memorial day weekend. And i read that veterans and Service Members can get discounts at Outback Steakhouse [ light laughter ] cause nothing says thank you for putting your life on the line like 10 off a bloomin onion. [ laughter and applause this isnt good. The department of agriculture just recalled over 60,000 pounds of raw beef, d ....

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KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live July 14, 2024

Run for mayor of dildo. They dont have a mayor. They dont seem to want a mayor because theyre not having an election for mayor. But local polls show me leading 5248. Bad news is i am leading no one by 4 . I dispatched an advance team. They went 4,000 miles and led by close and mosttrusted adviser guillermo, we will hear from him in dildo moments from now. This is the time of year when we offer people walking past our studio the floppertunity to take their clothes off. We have a pool in the back of our theater. Memories are just waiting to be made. This is the 14th summer, 14 yearsi years ago, a mysterious voice told me, if you build it, they will flop. And we did. Lets go to cousin sal, sal, by the way, i want to mention, [cheers and applause] has his own show on fox sports 1 called lock it in, a sports gambling show. Theyll probably cancel it. Jimmy your gambling problem paid off in a big way. Have you found someone on the street we can bet on . I have. Lets bet on some bellies. Jimmy ....

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KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live July 14, 2024

Lady, flew to dayton and el paso to meet with families and rescue workers, victims of the shootings there. But first, before those solemn occasions he lashed out at the mayor of dayton, elizabeth warren, shepherd smith and even fox news. I dont know about you, but im old enough to remember the day when trump said it was time to move forward with unity, devotion and love. I think that day was monday by the way. So on his way out of town, old yeller took to the white house lawn where he was asked whether his inflammatory rhetoric had something to do with all the violence weve been seeing lately, and youll be surprised to learn that no, he doesnt think thats the case. Our country is doing incredibly well. China is not doing well, if you look at the trade situation. Jimmy wait a minute. Who said anything about china . Theres only one thing he cares about, and that is money. Trump also pushed back against accusations that hes embraced white supremacy, but the president made it very clearish ....

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KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon July 14, 2024

[ light laughter ] hola mis amigos i am bet always look like i drank ten expressos and people are like damn whys he moving his hands [ laughter ] so uhoh uhoh uho uho i can not calm dow im so freaking pumped im gonna beat trum i cant calm down jimmy oh wait, my numbers are down eff yeah [ laughter ] [ laughter ] back on the scene i am berni if you think tha ive changed do not worry want free healthcar and a comb for my hair and im just lik uhoh oh oh ow ow oh oh [ laughter ] they say im too loud but i am upset about college debt so yes i am loud [ cheers and applause [ laughter ] cant believe i stayed up for the bate just to watch 20 loser and lightweights when we all kno itll be sleepy jo and im just lik Donald Donald donald i want to tweet now i keep getting blocked but im loaded and im cocke im gonna tweet now what are you doing . Were almost live. Jimmy oh were were live . Right now . Were live uhoh uho uhoh [ cheers and applau ....

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