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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20150209

Rimes with vin diesels. Measles is making a comeback. The highly infectious virus has spread to 14 states. The contagen factor in measles is off the chain. laughter jon this just in. Measles is offthechain contagious it likes big lungs it cannot lie cheers and applause i guess what shes trying to say is measles started from the bottom. Now its here. applause obviously, im not a doctor. Pardon my ignorance. But what does the medical establish mean by off the chain contagious . If i had measles, walked in, walked out and you walked in the room two hours later, you could get measles if you had not been vaccinated. Jon whoa, whoa whoa youre just going to sit there and tell us the information using clear easytounderstand words . laughter cnn youve changed. laughter now im going to count to three, if i dont see some unnecessary polygram of measles floating through an airplane, im going to flip my bleep . If i ever see you on a plane like this and somebody way in the back please. The truth is ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20150205

The highly infectious virus has spread to 14 states. The contagen factor in measles is off the chain. laughter jon this just in. Measles is offthechain contagious it likes big lungs it cannot lie cheers and applause i guess what shes trying to say is measles started from the bottom. Now its here. applause obviously, im not a doctor. Pardon my ignorance. But what does the medical establish mean by off the chain contagious . If i had measles, walked in, walked out and you walked in the room two hours later, you could get measles if you had not been vaccinated. Jon whoa, whoa whoa youre just going to sit there and tell us the information using clear easytounderstand words . laughter cnn youve changed. laughter now im going to count to three, if i dont see some unnecessary polygram of measles floating through an airplane, im going to flip my bleep . If i ever see you on a plane like this and somebody way in the back please. The truth is that virus could travel in invisible crowds of microd ....

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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20120116



thank you so much. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen: thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. (cheers and applause) stephen: welcome my friends. if i m not mistaken, you sound like an angel chir calling me to destiny. you know me, i try to keep a low profile. ask anybody who subscribes to the stephen colbert 24/7 low profile web cam. (laughter) for some reason the media is the recently it because of ppps recent presidential p- p-p-poll. jim? according to a recent poll five percent of south carolina primary voters would pick colbert more than would pick jon huntsman. colbert narrowly trails perry. stephen colbert is shooting up to 5%. colbert is ahead of jon huntsman. i was reading that stephen colbert would do better in south carolina than jon huntsman. stephen: yes, i am officially beating jon huntsman in south carolina. (cheers and applause) stephen: thank you creche. ....

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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20120114



jon: that s our program, join us next week at 11:00, here is is our moment of zen. londonberry new hampshire, our first call this morning for judd gregg. go ahead. i was wondering what do you think you need to and also how big is mayor captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to the report. thank you for joining me. thank you so much. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen: thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. (cheers and applause) stephen: welcome my friends. if i m not mistaken, you sound like an angel chir calling me to destiny. you know me, i try to keep a low profile. ask anybody who subscribes to the stephen colbert 24/7 low profile web cam. (laughter) for some reason the media is th ....

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