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Get a keeper of the peedm itn bf fries and a 32ounce of tear gas for just 5. 99, or just beat me up and take it youre above the law. Its fascist franks, south of the loop, where our beef is the mussoleanest in town. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, for whom the cold spell. Plus stephen welcomes Greta Thunberg, with a special appearance by keeganmichael key, featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen what have you got going . What are you doing after this . A party. Stephen you know were not supposed to da...

But i do think this looks better than some of the other shows. I think we can agree that the worst part of the pandemic is that every late night talk show looks like a single dads first youtube video. But im excited to be back hosting tonight. Apparently i was number one in the ratings last night. So from now on you can call me ncis los angeles. Lets take a look at the news. Hollywood is under a lot of pressure to get back to work. But as governor gavin newsom said today, even with covid rates spiking all over california, its all worth it if we can achieve herd immunity among the cast of barry...

And ill take a picture of what im seeing so you know what im seeing just so we can try to get through the monologue. Well do the monologue like this but anyways, this is our show. Welcome, we have a great show. A, rhett and link, music from tones and i, but first, lets get to some jokes here, everybody. Well, im so excited about tonights show because we are filming the entire thing from Roger Goodells basement thats right tonight was night one of the nfl draft. And this year, the commissioner announced the picks from his basement and of course, right when he started talking, someone started va...

Steve from Rockefeller Center in the heart of new york city, its the tonight show, starring jimmy fallon tonight, join jimmy and his guests andy samberg jose andres, musical guest, Perfume Genius, and featuring the legendary roots crew and now, heres your host, Jimmy Fallon Jimmy hi thank you very much. Welcome to the tonight show. Thank you so much for watching i appreciate it. I want to welcome damon and stroh. Welcome back, guys [ applause ] nice to see you guys, again. We missed you. All right. Get ready for you better really laugh it up for these jokes. Here we go you are now the audience...

Change into my pajamas and when i come out of my room, i see that he has left his wallet. So i call him. He comes back to get it. I step out onto the porch with no shoes, in my pajamas. And instead of walking to the end of the porch and down the stairs, i just reach over the side of the porch to give him his wallet back. So, he rides up on his bicycle and just lets his bicycle fall and then reaches up to get his wallet now, at that moment, im reaching down and hes reaching up, a cop car pulls up, flashes its lights the cop gets out, and shes like, hold it right there we gotcha. Im like, okay n...