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In the world who when she blows out her candles doesnt have to make a wish. Shes got that fan going all the time. If youre watching the show tonight, which you most certainly are not, happy birthday. [cheers and applause] it is nice to have something to celebrate. Because Everything Else in the world has gone completely nuts. There is a Catholic School in nashville, tennessee who has made the educated decision to ban harry potter books from the library. The man who runs the school believes the incantations in the book could conjure evil spirits. For real. Its an actual statement from the refer...

People take to the air waves to ask this very important c bieve its alrey ve it . C yo already . I cant believe its august, right . I know. I cant believe its already august 1st. I cant believe its august. I cant believe its already august. Hard to believe it is already august. Hard to believe it already is august. I cant believe but its already august 1st. Can you believe it is august already . We are in the month of you belie that . I cant believe its already august already. I cant believe its august already. I was just saying the same thing to another colleague. Can you believe its already ...

And it was fine, i guess but it did kind of feel like when your fun aunt goes home and youre left with your Boring Family again [ laughter ] aww. Aunt marianne lets us finger paint on the wall [ laughter ] Entrepreneur Andrew Yang used his Opening Statement tonight to differentiate himself from President Trump saying, quote, the opposite of donald trump is an asian man who likes math. [ laughter ] which is a great point but i actually think the opposite of trump would be a black guy who is a good president. [ laughter ] there you go [ cheers and applause didnt know where you guys were going to...

[ cheers and applause jimmy oh, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you please, have a seat. Enjoy yourselves welcome, everybody welcome to the tonight show. [ cheers and applause youre here. You made it. Give it up for the roots, while youre at it come on. [ cheers and applause the best band in late night. Well, you guys, this sunday is fathers day is everyone excited . [ cheers and applause of course you are. I love fathers day. Its that special day each year where you call up your dad, and t a few one word answers and then go, well, good talking to you. All right, bye. [ light...

I wonder who has a better chance at taking down president trump, Bernie Sanders or colonel sanders. Robert mueller appeared in congress for nearly seven hours for q a, more q than a. Mueller is a marine, earned a purple heart. And he is a lifelong republican who spent the day being abused by his party. At one point, melania had to come in and tell them to be best. Republicans were very eager to poke holes in any part of mueller they possibly could to distract us from the crimes our president committed. Fox news went so far to bring in a body language expert to suggest mueller wasnt being entir...