Its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight all the president s meds. Plus, stephen welcomes gayle king and amy sedaris. Featuring jon batiste and stay homins. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen ready to do it . One more time. No . That hurt last time. Youre not going to do it again . Stephen ill do it again. Im not afraid of you. Ready . Sure. Stephen lets do it. Come on snap snap welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Were all still trying to process the shocking revelation that donald trump dropped last night he cares about his health. Case in point today he had an event in a room where he was surrounded by fruits and vegetables. He was shocked to learn that fruit was available in nonrollup form. as trump usually i only see fruits by the foot. Of course, trump had to brag about how good he was to farmers. We are providing 19 billion to support our nations agricultural producers, maintain the health of our critical food supply ch
Okay. Ill take a nap. This sort of thing never happened back at the ed sullivan theater. God, i wish i was there again. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, is stephen sleeping or is he awake . And is all existence just a collective hallucination to deceive us about the true nature of reality . Plus, stephen welcomes Thandie Newton. And ina garten. With a special appearance by john mulaney. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live from his own subconscious, its Stephen Colbert stephen whoo hey, everybody. Thank you. Thank you so much. Please, please have a seat. Ladies and gentlemen. Everybody, in here, out there, all around the world. Welcome to the late show. I am your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause audience stephen, Stephen Stephen and. Hold on a second. cheers and applause click silence there you go. Folks, as you can see, i am coming to you once again from the beautiful ed sullivan theater here in midtown manhattan. And i can do this be
Its important to share. Dont eat paste. And if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be neat, and wipe the seat. I wish i could tell you things will get easier and life will be nothing but crayons and baby carrots, but soon you will have to learn valuable lessons like, how to use scissors with pointy tips and, trust me, its always funny until someone loses an eye, and, even then, sometimes amusing. In closing, id like to end by paraphrasing my character sebastien de valmont from dangerous liaisons, a story about a man in 18th century france engaging in multiple affairs your future is beyond my control. Congratulations, class of 2020. Ill be accepting tips and macaroni necklaces via venmo. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight no mask, dont tell. Plus stephen welcomes Vice President joe biden. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen you ready . You ready . This is eight weeks. Its eight weeks youve been doin
Congratulations. You just won all the chips i have been touching for the past six hours. Now, just to be safe, im going to take the temperature again. Anybody want to play craps . Its a late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, confederasee you later plus, stephen welcomes Wesley Lowery and judd apatow. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, liiiive on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen okay. Orry. Stephen why seven . Because you have to work for me. They didnt make it around my schedule. Stephen they didnt . Oh well. laughter hows this going, by the way . Great. Stephen okay, good. For me, too. I just want to make sure youre not bored to tears over there. I have three ipadss, two laptops is that you have something to entertain you while i do the show . Yes, i do. Stephen welcome to a late show. Im Stephen Colbert. Protests are continuing all over america, ovd if that makes you nervous, you might be a confederate statue. Fans of the union are tearing down thes
Senator, any comment on the tear gassing . Me no habla the what is the spanish word for english . What did you think of the president s actions . I enjoy violence against the innocent. Gets me off. Senator mcconnell, was the president s behavior appropriate . Its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, arrest development. Plus stephen welcomes charlamagne tha god, and musical guest Tunde Adebimpe of tv on the radio. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen youre in that light. Yeah, yeas comploatly. Just stay there. And you just you just watch the magic. clears throat opinion all right, you ready over there . Yeah. Stephen all right, me, too. Welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. People are still protesting all across america, and i mean all across america. The only other thing americans agree on this much is pumpable cheese, which is only slightly less toxic than systemic racism. People are enrage