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I hope he didnt get it out of the wilsons garden. One thing i can count on, itll have a broken stem. Well, you can always throw it away. Not on your life. Close your eyes and dont open them till i tell you. All right. Okay. [music] bye, dennis. Bye, tommy. Its right in front of you, mom. Can i smell it . Do you want to . Of course, i do. Okay. Bend over. Now smell. Of course not. Open your eyes. Dont be scared, mom. Its not alive. Where did you get that . In somebodys trash box. I figured we could put it up in the dining room. Oh, dennis. I bet you never thought youd have one of these, did you...

Oh, hi, honey. Ive just been talking to one of the boys at the office about mr. Purdy. He said that he went to a business luncheon for him about two years ago and dear, i know how important this is to you, but you mustnt get yourself so upset about it. Im not. Im not. Honey, when mr. Purdy gets here tomorrow, try and make up some conversation about the construction business. Tell him how much you like the smell of lumber. And how thrilled i am that hell be opening a factory here . Oh, dear. You know, honey, im afraid we shouldve made this a formal reception instead of an open house. But we did...

Like, pumpernickel is a funny word. Except for people who make white bread. And freeway is a funny word, which is a good thing to know. In case youre stuck on one for seven or eight hours, you can sit there and laugh. audience laughs another comedy word is motherinlaw and hotrod. And of course, smog and brooklyn. My writers once wrote me a surefire gag. It went Something Like this. A man driving a pumpernickel truck got lost in the smog on the freeway. And hit a hotrod driven by a motherinlaw. audience laughs it didnt get a laugh. Forgot to use the word brooklyn. audience laughs see, its foolp...

Were lucky. The coffee pots still plugged in. Here. You take this. Surely. I really shouldnt impose like this, but youve only to say coffee once to me. Sit down. All right. Thank you. Here we are. Well, i guess alice and martha will be home any minute now. Although why they went in the first place ill never know. The reason women go to teas is something im sure no man will ever understand. You know, martha dragged me to one of her teas once. You should have seen the size of the sandwiches. They were absolutely microscopic. It isnt only the size, its the color. Have you ever seen purple cream c...

[ applause ] [ music ] [ applause ] how would you like to meet a nice girl . Im married, but if nobody finds out, ill right. [ laughter ] id be delighted. Susan blakely is here, tonight. Oh, i shes very talented. Yeah, she was a former model, for magazines, television commercials, and now she is a very successful actor. She was in absolutely. And, uh richard chamberlains wife. Right, called report to the commissioner, in which she has one of the leading roles. Oh. Would you welcome, please, Susan Blakely . [ applause ] [ cheering ] [ music ] dont sit on mel. Silly mix sugar. Oh, thankthank you...