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Day. More than 17 million americans were expected to call in sick to work today. Which i get it. I overdid it too. I had so much to eat and drink yesterday, i started to hallucinate. I woke up on my couch, i dont know what time it was, but i woke up and i imagined i saw lil wayne dressed as a robot. Weird, right . Anyway. [ cheers and applause ] i will say this. The best part of the super bowl for me this year was knowing that matt damon spent the day sobbing into his tom brady [ laughter ] it was a good game, a fun game to watch. The Kansas City Chiefs as you know came back from a tenpoint de...

President joe biden won by nearly 30 points said biden, thank you, south dakota [ laughter ] mayor Pete Buttigieg announced yesterday he is dropping out of the president ial race. Come back in four years, said a bouncer who carded him at a bar. [ laughter ] following joe bidens win in South Carolina, tom steyer, Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobuchar suspended their campaigns for president. So, whos left now all right, great now just [ laughter ] just add Morgan Freeman and you can make a crappy movie called one last heist or something. [ laughter and applause former [ cheers and applause one last h...

And walked off stage [ laughter ] despite President Trump claiming that athletes and protesters have disrespected the national anthem, video surfaced from trumps Super Bowl Party showing him fidgeting, pointing and pretending to conduct an orchestra during the song. Take a look. And the rockets red glare the bombs bursting in air [ laughter ] seth oh my god, youre the leader of the free world and you look like a 5yearold kid an hour into a catholic mass [ laughter ] do you have to [ applause ] i mean, seriously, do you have to pee or something . Well, you should have thought of that before you...

The address was hillary clintons. [ light laughter ] President Trump this morning accused last nights strike by iran on u. S. Targets as being funded by money given to them under the obamaera nuclear deal man, is there anything he wont blame obama for . Mulligan, thats obamas fault. [ light laughter ] the u. S. Army issued a warning yesterday about a fraudulent Text Message Campaign claiming to draft recipients for world war iii. Come on. If you get drafted youre not going to get a text. Youll youll get a tweet [ laughter ] prince harry and duchess Meghan Markle announced on instagram this aft...

You . Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight too secret service. Plus, stephen welcomes laura dern. And musical guest kesha. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen wooo yeah come on come on beautiful beautiful hey, why not . Great. Shorten it up. Its beautiful. Hey, welcome hello, my friends, up there, down here, down there. Hello, jon. Audience Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen stephen so excited. Hey thank you very much. Welcome. Welcome, one and all, to the la...