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Weird. Sometimes the q a in the beginning gets a little out of hand is what im saying, but if youre like many of our viewers, youre probably watching this show right now while driving. And if thats the case, stop very dangerous, not because it pulls your focus from the road but because of the road itself. The federal Highway Trust Fund is about to become insolvent. Jon oh, my god [laughter] first of all, i cant believe our federal highways have a trust fund. Get a job. Your parents didnt pull themselves up from gravel just to have you lay there. Well, actually. Now, i know our federal highways...

In america, when my parents seemed very tall and youd get a gold star just for using the toilet. laughter folks, before we delve into the socalled scandal that cost us this great leader, lets get to know the man. Richard nixon was born in 1913 in yorba linda, california. Even at an early age, he refused to wear makeup, which is why even his mother preferred kennedys baby pictures. laughter after serving in the navy, nixon was elected to congress and rose to political prominence as a member of the house in the house unamerican activities committee, where he accused state Department Official alg...

Stephen woo woo woo woo woo cheers and applause woo cheers and applause what does it do . laughter gotta have the apple watch its finally cool to wear calculator watch whos the nerd, now, ben mcgooken . i mean, this thing will change the way you rook at your wrist. But dont take my hype for it. Take theirs. Weve invented new, intimate ways to communicate directly from your wrist. Stephen i thought i knew all the intimate ways to wristcommunicate. Whats left . Wrist in butt . I dont know. laughter and folks laughter tragically, the apple watch is not available till 2015, whenever that is, i don...

Ok, just let me get prepared. Let me get on Network Anchor war footing. I think. This should do it. Okay. There we go. cheering all right, were back at war yeah so, whos the bad guy this time . The u. S. Will increase its offensive to destroy i. S. I. S. Islecies who have taken over chunk of iraq and syria isis is advancing through iraq. They want to unite all muslims into the caliphate. Jon whats wrong with these guys . Storm into a country like iraq, uninvited and destroy the place in the name of implementing your favorite system of government . These people arent just terrorists. Theyre pla...

I [bleep] anything that moves cheers and applause stephen thank you for your service. Of course, while theres a lot of talk that hillary could be our first female president , this past weekend we once again elected a Strong Female leader. Welcome to the 2015 miss america competition. Jon . Stephen yes, miss america that one magical night a year Atlantic City shows the world just how close you can come to turning a profit. The ladies were lucky. The hair was lovely, the teeth were high and firm. But the highlight of the night was the popup delivering fact doesoids about the contestants. Miss vi...