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Faithful. Youll have a butt clean enough to eat off of. So dont worry about the t. P. Shortage, come to ted bidets budget bidets and get the water up your squatter. Squatter. Stephen welcomes john oliver, and musical guest, alex ebert. With jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live onape from a safe distance, its stephen clbert stephen fire hello. Welcome to day two of my special quarantine edition of the late show with stephen colbert. Or as were calling it tonight, the flame show with stephen colburn. As you can see, ive migrated from my bathtub to my fire pit. Well eventually go through all...

Cause theyre gone i am announcing i am suspending my campaign for president. When your polls were high we will win or asking whos this guy im tom steyer. [ laughter ] no one know they come and go goodbye super tuesday the race goes on but without you maybe youll be picked for v til then we will miss you dont ask yourself why no one vote for me i know we can do it, because ive done it could have told you thats the way it would be in the polls, mayor de blasio is hovering around zero. [ laughter ] your ideas were whack im going to harness love [ laughter ] you tried lots of snack its how it goes...

Warren was an incredibly competent, pragmatic, intelligent, and wellspoken in other words, she never had a chance [ laughter ] thats right, Elizabeth Warren is dropping out of the president ial race. And it kind of feels like when your favorite teacher retires. Youre sad to see her go, but also happy for her because she doesnt have to deal with your annoying classmates anymore. [ laughter ] republican congressman matt gaetz wore a gas mask on the floor of the house of representatives yesterday while voting on funding to combat the coronavirus. I mean, look at him. [ laughter ] he looks like ba...

Tonight, join jimmy and his guests seth meyers, Whitney Cummings musical guest puss n boots and featuring the legendar roots crew questlove 1219 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy oh, my goodness thank you very much, everybody welcome. [ cheers and applause thank you so much. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. Youre here youre watching. I appreciate it. Well, you guys, earlier today, Elizabeth Warren announced that she is dropping out of the president ial race. Yeah, after a lot of thought and reflection, warren realized she wa...

Coronavirus. That story again, several states are fighting coronavirus by asking people to put their saliva in the mail [ laughter and applause just send it out, just get it out of there [ cheers and applause former new york mayor Mike Bloomberg said yesterday that he would vote for senator Bernie Sanders if he was the would not be happy doing it. Yeah we know. Youre [ laughter ] daniel tonight, on a youre never happy little late with Lilly Singh Lilly you know what men do [ light laughter ] when theyre feeling overweight . You always look like youre on they just come up with cool, new your wa...